Tag Archive | parent

25 years ago…

baby jeremy

Twenty-five years ago you came

assured my life would never be the same

what a sweet boy you were to all

I loved you each year you grew so tall

It all happens so fast

I wish childhood would last and last

So I could hold you in my lap and hug you oh so tight

Instead you grew at the speed of light

Now that you’re grown and on your own

I have the memories that are mine alone

Memories of my sweet boys face

Blowing out his candles, these memories you can’t replace

Twenty-five years ago today

God gave me a gift and in my heart he will stay




The nurse lays him on your chest

There were others born that day, but you know he is the best

Now you’re officially a mommy

You’re in charge of this boy, the next 18 years will be like a tsunami

Can you do it? Can you raise him right?

You wonder this each and every night

You love him so much you can think of nothing else on the planet

You vow to protect him and guide him and to be his wall of granite

The years pass by and you watch him grow

Are you doing it right? You just don’t know

You worry and fuss over his every move

You’re a good mom, this much you’ll prove

He’s grown from dinosaurs to girls

Right before your eyes like a tilta-whirls

Where’s that seet little boy who would sneak toads into his room?

How is it he is already of age to be a groom?

You still fuss over his life

You will, even after he takes a wife

He is your son and you are his mother

This is a bond, like no other

Being a parent is tough

Did you do it right?

You did, because you loved him enough

And a mother and son is a beautiful sight


I am and always have been one of those people who hate to fail.  At anything.  Since I was a young child I have always wanted to “do good” or “be the best” or to “please” those around me.  In elementary school I wanted to be the best speller, the best handwriter, the best kickball player, the best dancer, the best gymnast….you get the idea.

As I grew up, this urge continued.  I had to get straight A’s all throughout nursing school…and did, made it on the Dean’s List, and in the Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society.  Then when I started having children, I wanted to be the “best mommy”…I cuddled and coo’d and rocked and sang….I hovered and loved…maybe too much at times.

Point being, that I can’t stand to fail.  I hate to disappoint anyone.  I hate to do anything badly.  And of course I HAVE failed at things.  I’m not perfect.  But I sooo hate that feeling in my gut when I know I am not doing something well, or when I feel I’ve made a mistake, or I think someone is mad at me or thinks badly of me…I just hate it!  I am my worst critic as the old saying goes.  I’m hard on myself for sure.  I used to be worse than I am now…but it’s still there.

There are days when (in my head) I will have a running dialogue that goes something like this: “Man, you are such an idiot.  You know you are the worst mother in the world right?  You have really screwed things up sister! Why can’t you be a good mother?  What is wrong with you?  Why did you do that the way you did?” or “Wow…what a moron!  You just said the dumbest thing to that person…ya know they think you’re a complete idiot now, right? Why can’t you talk right?  What is wrong with you?” or “Geeze you are a fat pig!  Look how ridiculous you look in this outfit!  Like a big fat cow in capris! Why can’t you lose weight?” or “My God, look at all this dog hair on the floor!  This house is a pigpen!  Can’t you keep it cleaner?  More organized? What a loser!” or “You just spent waaay to much money on groceries!  Why can’t you be like those genius coupon women?” or “Look at that athletic healthy woman jogging down the street…why can’t YOU do that?” or “Great…another burnt dinner, take cooking lessons already!”

The crazyness is endless…the conversations that go on in my head….I feel like a failure in so many ways on so many days.  Even when it’s someone else who is failing…if I feel I coulda or shoulda prevented their problems…I blame myself.  If I’m in a group of people and someone seems pissed off…I immediately assume it’s my fault and go about trying to make them “UN pissed off”….try to get into their good graces.  If a friend doesn’t call me for a week…I immediately think “Oh my God!  What did I do?  I must have pissed her off last time I saw her!  What did I say?  What did I do?”  It is of course insane to be this way…I know this…but can’t stop it.  Sometimes I will be driving and just start thinking about all the things that I perceive myself to have failed at and will burst into tears.  “I’m a bad mom!  I’ve ruined my kids!” “I spent too much money!  We are gonna be broke!” “I pissed my coworkers off!  Now they hate me!” ” I just cut that guy in the blue truck off!  Now he thinks I’m a dumb woman driver!”…..lol….pathetic, I know.

So, what is the answer?  I’m not sure…there is probably a self help book out there I can read….I’ll look into it….but it wouldn’t help…I would read it, then figure I failed to learn the message it had.

Oh well….some people are out there and couldn’t care less if they fail or succeed.  I bet they are soo happy!  Grrr!
“Success is a matter of luck. Ask any failure.”  Earl Wilson


Just wondering if I am crazy….or is the world just going crazy?  Just read an article about a local baby being seriously injured because his father had him riding in an ATV….not buckled in of course.  Also another where a 5 year old was injured riding a dirt bike…and last week a three year old drowned in a lake…REALLY????  What on earth is going on in parents heads?  Watch your children people!  They can’t make intelligent decisions where there safety is concerned.  YOU have to protect them from dangerous situations!  Seems like people think once a child can stand up, he or she is an adult.  Children’s brains are not fully developed until their early twenties!  They do not know what danger is.  WATCH them!  Put them in seat belts!  Make them wear life vests!  Do NOT let them operate heavy machinery!

Maybe it is me.  I know that I am over protective…but in my opinion I would rather be that than so under protective that my child is injured or killed.  I’m one of those people who believes that children and animals cannot advocate for themselves and we adults need to be there for them and keep them safe.  So shoot me.

I actually hate Summer.  Summer is when all the injuries/deaths go up for children and animals.  Children drowning, hit by cars, bike accidents, fireworks….dogs left chained outside in the heat with no water or food…more domestic fights where children get hurt…They have done studies showing that the heat makes people more aggressive and angry…I believe it.

Children are so innocent….they deserve to be taken care of by responsible and loving parents.  They don’t understand that they are not safe to jump in a pool or try to drive a car or a motorcycle for God’s sake!  They are to be protected and made to feel safe and secure at all times.  To feel loved cared for.  These stories make me sick at my stomach just thinking about all these neglected children…and that’s what it is….NEGLECT.

Children that are being abused, emotionally, sexually or physically…need protection.  There are too many morons out there raising children!  Either teens having kids or just immature, irresponsible women having kids…it’s not fair to these babies who are being abused.  They are so loving and innocent and need to be loved back in return.  They depend on the adults in their world to watch over them.  To care for them.  To protect them from all harm…including verbal harm.

Animals also need advocates.  Too many idiots out there who neglect their pets, or worse…those who hurt animals for fun!  What sick mind finds the abuse of an innocent animal fun?  The same sick bastards who are okay with hurting children I guess.  I am sick of it all.  It is just disgusting.  I try to stay away from the news cuz Idon’t wanna hear it…but it’s all around…you can’t avoid it.

I let this stuff really get to me.  I can’t help it.  I am too sympathetic or emotional I guess.  But I would think that crap would get to anyone with a heart…or common sense!

I guess that’s my rant for today…I am just losing hope for the human race I think.  So much ignorance.

“Kindness is more important than wisdom.  The recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.”  Theodore Isaac Rubin, MD