Tag Archive | humor

Blog Carnival Introduction!

Well first of all let me say this is my FIRST blog carnival!  I had never heard of them before my wonderful cyber-friend Jolene (of Graceful Agony) introduced me to them.  What a wonderful idea!  I have had so much fun reading blogs since discovering them in February. Yes, I know blogs have been around long before that, but I just never actually READ them.  That is until I decided to start my own after another friend started one…he has since quit blogging, even though he’s a talented writer and should be writing all the time…but  that’s when I found Jolene’s Graceful Agony blog, and it really inspired me!  She is a wonderful person and a gifted writer and everyone needs to be reading her blog at http://gracefulagony.wordpress.com/ …but enough about her….this blog is supposed to be all about ME! lol (said jokingly of course!) 😉

Me.  Well, at risk of boring most of you I will keep the life history of yours truly as short as possible.  I’m a forty-two year old married mom of two wonderful children, a 22 y/o man and a 16 y/o young lady and of course I love them both more than any words could ever convey.  My husband is very devoted and supportive.  I have two dogs who keep me entertained and provide me with unconditional love and affection.  My childhood was very rough and dysfunctional to say the least, but I won’t type all that out, as it is pretty much portrayed in some of my earlier blogs (The Little Girl). I love to read and to write.  My favorite color is pink…but I wear alot of black and white because its easy…lol.  I love dogs and babies.  My fave tv show is The Office.  I love Steve Carell and Will Farrell.  I love all music, rock, pop, country, spiritual, jazz and more.  I love Chinese and Mexican foods the most.  I like a good margarita once in awhile.  I love good movies…especially the classics…Cary Grant, Bette Davis, Deborah Kerr…those are great movies!  I bite my nails til they bleed. I worry too much. I am a denti-phobe to the nth degree. So that’s a little about me, now here is about my chronic pain/illness!

My “adulthood” was going along fine until about 1998 when I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, after a few years of having mysterious aches and pains, and going from doctor to doctor.  None of the meds they ever tried me on helped much…so I just didn’t take anything other than over the counter meds after awhile…and just gritted my teeth and got on with life.

Then I started having pelvic pain that just wouldn’t quit. So in 2005 my OBGYN at the time said a hysterectomy would solve my problems…but that he would leave my ovaries so I wouldn’t go into early menopause.  I was all for anything that would stop the pain that was really affecting my daily life at times. I woke up from that surgery in more pain than he had led me to believe there would be and found out that I had hemmorhaged during the hysterectomy and required a few units of blood…but that other than that everything went peachy…by his standards I guess.

I recovered from that hysterectomy, but continued to have pelvic pain.  I decided in my infinite wisdom to find a different OBGYN as I wasn’t entirely impressed with the other…which now in hindsight was quite possibly a life-changing decision.  The new doc was young, handsome and had a great bedside manner.  He impressed me with his knowledge and I believed him when he said that my pain was probably due to the cysts on my ovaries and if they came out the pain may stop as well.  Now, my thinking was…that of course the pain would stop…there would be nothing else in that area to cause the pain…right?  So, I was too trusting and didn’t do much research into any of it and actually was looking forward to the operation to get those “things” out of my body so the pain would stop. I would take that pain back in a split second compared to the pain I must now endure.

That surgery changed my life forever. I will make it as short as I can.  During the operation the doc punctured my intestine and failed to recognize it.  He went to Disneyland for vacation…I ended up in ICU on a vent and medically induced coma, and remember very little for a few months after the operation except alot of pain and being restrained to the bed to keep from me pulling all the different lines and tubes out.  I ended up over the next year having around fifteen abdominal operations, part of my intestine removed, having ostomies, wound vacs attached to my abdomen where the wound was left open (about the size of a softball) and the hose was attached to a machine that vacuumed out the contents for months, I was fed thru a line inserted under my collar-bone, I had other peripheral lines up around my arm pits, or in my upper arm…which frequently ended up giving me blood infections that I also almost died from, I spent most of that year in 3 different hospitals, and some of it at home with home care nurses and my family working to care for me around the clock.My husband and family became my nurses.  I missed many family events of course during all of this…basically I missed my sons entire senior year and my daughters sixth grade year.  To shorten this section up, I will end it by saying the last surgery managed to close up my abdomen, but the pain is non-stop due to massive adhesions (my insides are basically like hardened cement…organs glued together and to the abdominal wall), the nerve pain called neuromas from the constant cutting, and I have no abdominal muscle wall at all in the front…I have a ventral hernia from my breastbone to my pubic bone and my intestines lay right under the skin/fat layer.  I can’t eat alot of foods due to digestion problems.  I must wear an abdominal binder 24/7 to help ease the pain and hold the hernia in.  I go to a pain center every month and must take narcotics to even take the edge off the pain.  I can’t do alot of the things I used to do, no bike riding, no running, no hard exercising of any kind…basically I can’t do anything that requires using abdominal muscles.  The pain is relentless and hard to even describe to people, it is like your insides are on fire while at the same time being shredded.  To say it makes everyday life difficult is an understatement, but I am alive. Living with pain, but alive.

So, since I know that was long…even though I really did leave ALOT of stuff out! I will finish up here.  About the time I started blogging and finding others out there who were suffering with chronic pain just as I was, there was alot of depressing thoughts going through my head.  I was feeling down and useless at times, and still do occassionally.  But I am a fighter, I always have been.  Stubborn some people would say I guess.  But it’s that stubborness that got me through that horrific nightmare that I lived through…and continue to live through. Stubborness and a wicked sense of humor!  I read self-help books and look for inspiring blogs on the web.  I pray alot. I always said I would continue to live for my childrens sake.  I now feel I will continue to live for MY sake.  Even though there are so many days that I am crying in the fetal position and ready to jump off the nearest bridge, I eventually dry my eyes and decide that I won’t give up that easily.  I want to live, even if it’s with pain that would bring most people to their knees, I want to experience life…to see the beautiful sunsets/sunrises, all the beauty nature provides, and to see my family, my children, my grandchildren.  I love blogging because it’s free therapy for me.  I can vent, I can inspire, I can joke (sarcasm is my specialty!), I can pretend that someone out there actually cares!

Wow…this really did turn out long…if it’s too long I guess my buddy Jolene will have to tell me to shorten it up and I will!  I’m thrilled to be involved in this carnival and look forward to hearing everyones story! To anyone who suffered thru MY long story…thank you for reading!

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Memories!

Memories, from the corners of my mind…misty water colored memories…of the way we were…lol,, yep this blog is gonna deal with some of my memories, the good, the bad and maybe a little ugly.  Let’s start with the good:

I remember going to Sunday school in New Haven.  I loved it!  The adults were so nice to us!  We played games, listened to stories of Jesus and got to sing songs…Jesus Loves Me being my favorite of course!  We lived close enough that we sometimes got to walk there as well…I loved doing that too…in my dress up clothes!

I remember going to my grandmothers (Mamaws) house on the weekends or holidays and staying all night, alot of my cousins would also.  We would all bed down on the floor after having ice cream with chocolate syrup!  If I was staying alone, Mamaw would make me a bed on the floor by her bed and would hang her arm down for me to hold her hand until I fell asleep…I always felt so safe there.

I remember in elementary school entering a writing contest to win tickets to the Ringling Brothers Circus!  I was at school and got called down to the principals office…Mr. Calbeck…he was kinda scary and I never got in trouble so I was very afraid!  He handed me the paper saying “Congratulations!  You won!”  I got to go down to center and ride on an elephant!  lol

I remember in middle school when everyone was just starting to wear Nikes tennis shoes…I wanted some!  Mamaw took me shopping to buy them…even though she was a factory worker on a budget…she bought them for me anyway!  Although I know she thought it was ridiculous to spend so much money on a pair of tennis shoes!  She always bought me whatever I wanted…within reason!

I remember in highschool riding around with friends jamming to Led Zepplin and the Scorpions…drinkin Little Kings…lol.

I remember Senior Year in High School being voted “Most Likely to become a Poet”.

I remember finding out I was pregnant with my son Jeremy…I was 19…I was sooo excited!  My mom was too.  We immediately went out and started buying little baby clothes and baby items….I wasn’t even 2 months along yet!.  The day I went into labor with him, I was watching “Dirty Dancing” and cleaning…ALOT…all the ladies will understand the “nesting instinct”…that apartment was surgery sterile, let me tell ya!  I called my Mamaw and said I felt like it may be within the next 24 hours and she came to sleep on my couch.  I was having contractions, but nothing too uncomfortable.  I went to bed…about 2 am it began to hurt a bit more…I started pacing around the apartment…this went on for the next 23 hours!  Finally my water broke at 1am the next day…but not a gush…more like a trickle…I thought I was peeing myself!  lol…called the doc, he said head in to the hospital…well, it was snowing like crazy outside…a bit of a blizzard actually.  So I called my dad/mom and he drove all of us to the hospital.  I had Jeremy ALL NATURAL not even an aspirin…Let me tell ya, I was throwin bedpans in that room!  But finally around 11:00am the pushing urge began…STRONG!  And of course my doctor wasn’t there yet…stuck in traffic!  They kept yelling “Don’t push, Don’t push!”  “Breathe”…I was grunting like a crazed hog!  Hold it in?  Seriously?  Sorry, but when it’s time for a baby to come…he’s coming…so they are flying me down the hall on a gurney….got me in the OR….the head is crowning…doc runs in, nurse barely slips a gown and gloves on him, his butt hits the stool and out flew Jeremy and the doc caught him like Johnny Bench!  He was screaming his little heart out…(Jeremy, not the doc..hehehe).  They laid him on my belly I kissed his little head and just felt my heart melt.  My little boy!

I remember when Jessica was born.  She was a tough pregnancy.  First of all, they tried to tell me she wasn’t even gonna BE a baby.  To go home and wait to miscarry.  But at about 5 months I was at the kitchen sink doing dishes…abdomen up against the counter and BOOM…she kicked…HARD.  Lol…I had thought all along I was still pregnant, but I was uninsured and they had already said I wasn’t…that pregnancy was full of her twisting around, doing flip flops, and kicking so hard…jammin her feet under my ribs…people would watch in awe as that baby would cause my belly to contort to very unusual shapes!  I felt like I had been pregnant for years with her!  I was ready for her to come out!  She would use the same beautiful yellow lacey bassinet her brother had, and I had all the clothes/blankets/bottles/toys/books any baby would ever need ready to go…Just needed her to come out.  She wouldn’t.  I walked and walked and walked.  I ate spicy food.  I tried all the tricks to bring on labor.  Nothing.  Finally I thought it was time…I felt a bulge…went to the hospital…nope, not the baby…she had pushed my darn bladder out!  Yes…my delicate little daughter decided to kick an organ out of her mother so she would have more room to practice her gymnastics!  Well, the docs shoved it back into place and sent me home.  After another 10 days they finally induced me.  Now, having remembered the first birth…I opted for an epidural on this one…but, they won’t give you that til like stage 8…what they didn’t understand was that for the first one, I went from 8 to delivery faster than minute rice!  By the time they got the epidural in…I gave birth 15 minutes later…at 12:25 pm…my Jessica Renee’ was born…again, I kissed her head and cried…everyone in the room was smiling/crying and jumping up and down!

Okay, so…to keep this blog not tooo terribly long, I will quit Happy Memories and go to the bad ones…and will have a part 2 on this subject!

I remember as a child hiding under the bed while the adults fought, so scared.  I remember once getting a baseball bat and going out and hitting my dad with it to get him off my mom…boy I paid for that one!  I remember hitting him over the head with a glass pop bottle while he was passed out on the couch after busting up my mom and the house…again, bad decision.  I remember some really bad things that happened to me as a teenager that I won’t go into detail about to protect some peoples privacys and stuff.  I remember making some poor decisions with a few men, who turned out to be cruel.  I am not going into detail on some of my bad memories for many reasons…they were bad enough the first time…don’t want to completely relive them again, but you get the general idea.  Some things I can’t go into to protect some innocent people.  But lets just say there were ALOT of struggles!  I remember waking up from my drug induced coma and realizing my abdomen was still open!  And the full extent of my injuries came to light.  And every day since November 3, 2005…as those of you who read my first blog has been wrought with bad memories.  The last bad memory I will share is when my beloved dog Dexter passed away on May 28, 2008.  What a horrid day.  We all bawled like babies…he was my little shadow, always by my side…such a faithful and loving little dog.  I still miss him to this day and always will.

So, all in all………the good memories are always more detailed than the bad!  Your mind protects you and tries to block out alot of the bad stuff!  I don’t dwell on the bad stuff much…the health stuff is hard not to…but the good always outweighs the bad!

The past year I have been on a mission to make good memories!  And I am.  I will share more good memories in the next blog…stay tuned!  I really appreciate those of you who take a few minutes out of your days to read my blogs!  It means alot to me to have so many who think I have something of interest to read about!  So thank you and pass my blog onto others you know!

“Is suffering really necessary?  Yes and No.  If you had ot suffered as you have, there would be no depth to you, no humility, no compassion.