Tag Archive | child

The Mommy “Angel”….

To the mommy who didn’t sleep tonite cuz she was up with a sick baby, I noticed.

To the mommy who is still wearing maternity jeans at 6 months post delivery cuz she can’t afford new ones, I noticed.

To the mommy who skipped garlic toast with dinner so her family could each have 2, I noticed.

To the mommy who buys generic deodorant so her family can eat name brand peanut butter, I noticed.

To the mommy who is still up doing laundry or dishes after 1 am, I noticed.

To the mommy who is rocking her sick baby in the steamy bathroom at 4am, I noticed.

To the mommy who hasn’t had 4 hrs of strait sleep in a year, I noticed.

To the mommy who is scraping whatever that weird gunk is between the stove & counter, I noticed.

To the mommy who goes around spraying Lysol on all surfaces multiple times per day, I noticed.

To the mommy cleaning poo/pee off the potty numerous times per day, I noticed.

To the mommy who has said her thousandth “protection” prayer for her children, I noticed.

To the mommy who has compared herself yet once again to the latest celebrity moms body, I noticed.

To the mommy who has read the same bedtime story for the hundredth time, I noticed.

To the mommy who has layed on the floor holding her childs hand so he/she could  sleep, I noticed.

To the mommy who has spent hours helping her child with their science project, I noticed.

To the mommy who has stayed up all night worrying about a sick child, I noticed.

To the mommy who has worried herself sick during her childs first overnight stay, I noticed.

To the mommy who has repeated “stranger danger” to her children several times, I noticed.

To the mommy who has felt ugly at the end of the day, I noticed.

To the mommy who doesn’t feel valued, I noticed.

To the mommy who loves her family more than herself, I noticed.

To the mommy who cuts coupons, makes lists, and juggles the bills, I noticed.

To the mommy who hasn’t felt sexy since she was 3 months pregnant, I noticed.

To the mommy who tries to make each holiday and birthday special, I noticed.

To the mommy who cooks a meal or two each and everyday, hearing the words “eww”, I noticed.

To the mommy who does her families laundry each week, I noticed.

To the mommy who changes the bedclothes each week…whether they looked dirty or not, I noticed.

To the mommy who struggles thru the evening child bath with smiles and tickles, I noticed.

To the mommy who scrapes yet another egg crusted skillet, I noticed.

To the mommy who sat alone in the middle of the night feeling inadequate, I noticed.

To the mommy who rocked her colicky baby while crying herself, I noticed.

To the mommy who 2nd guessed herself on every child rearing decision, I noticed.

To the mommy who cut ravioli into equal portions for her children, I noticed.

To the mommy who tried to explain Jesus, Santa, or the Easter Bunny, I noticed.

To the mommy caring for children, grandchildren and parents/grandparents, I noticed.

To the mommy scrubbing baseboards/nooks & crannies, I noticed.

To the mommy singing the ABC’s one more time, I noticed.

To the mommy hugging her child & kissing their boo boo, I noticed.

To the mommy wiping the ickiest body substances for the 10th time that day, I noticed.

To the mommy who goes without a new winter coat so her children can have new, I noticed.

To the mommy who skips her prescription this month so her child can have his, I noticed.

To the mommy who fears she is making many mistakes, I noticed.

To the mommy who checks her sleeping babies breaths, I noticed.

To the mommy who sneaks cauliflower into the mashed potatoes, I noticed.

To the mommy who makes her childs lunch everyday, I noticed.

To the mommy who tucks their child in each and every night, I noticed.

To the mommy who scares away the “bad monsters” everynite, I noticed.

To the mommy who has braced herself for the after school “listen to my story first” onslaught, I noticed.

To the mommy who has had to read a thousand stories outloud to her child, I noticed.

To the mommy who skipped her shower today so her children could have a hot bath, I noticed.

To the mommy who skipped a cookie so her child could have two, I noticed.

To the mommy who felt inadequate when compared to another mommy, I noticed.

To the mommy who felt second best when compared to a “work outside the home” mommy, I noticed.

To the mommy who tried to remain calm when she was scared out of her mind for her child, I noticed.

To the mommy who listened to an hour long story of a “booger picker” at school, I noticed.

To the mommy  who heard “But Tommy/Marys mom always lets them do it!” a hundred times, I noticed.

To the mommy who has heard “I hate you!”, I noticed.

To the mommy whose heart has broken during each of her childs sad times, I noticed.

To the mommy who has had to smile thru tears, I noticed.

To the mommy who has felt invisible, I noticed.

To the mommy who felt all alone, I noticed.

To the mommy who wondered if anyone noticed their home décor, I noticed.

To the mommy who has tried to freshen up after a day of spit up and diapers, I noticed.

To the mommy who has had to referee another sibling fight, I noticed.

To the mommy who has given her life for her children…I noticed.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………..signed, The Mommy Angel

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25 years ago…

baby jeremy

Twenty-five years ago you came

assured my life would never be the same

what a sweet boy you were to all

I loved you each year you grew so tall

It all happens so fast

I wish childhood would last and last

So I could hold you in my lap and hug you oh so tight

Instead you grew at the speed of light

Now that you’re grown and on your own

I have the memories that are mine alone

Memories of my sweet boys face

Blowing out his candles, these memories you can’t replace

Twenty-five years ago today

God gave me a gift and in my heart he will stay

 

 

Desert

mom and sonShe looked into his tear filled eyes and made him a promise that she would always love him and would never desert him.

She told him to never forget that. She had no idea that in just a short time, her ability to keep that promise would be ripped away from her…

He was taken away by people we trusted. She may never see him again. what must he think of her? That she broke her promise? That she really did lie to him? That she does’t love him?

She can barely stand the thought of him believing she doesn’t want to see him. He doesn’t know it’s not her choosing. She has no control over this forced separation.

While she knows he will not be harmed, it does not change the fact that he shouldn’t have to suffer this emotional scar anymore than she.

They may say he’s young and doesn’t miss or even remember her at all…but she knows better.

This is the cruelest fate a mother can endure…the abduction of her only child, by the one person she thought she could trust.

His father came for his weekly overnight visit…while the divorce wasn’t pain free, it was okay by most standards. There was never any indication that he would do something as insanely cruel as this.

He knows how much she loves their only child…her sweet little boy Seth…now only four years old.

Now looking back she wonders, what made him so sad that day…when he cried and said “but mommy, you’re not going to love me anymore!”…had he heard his father say something? She had asked him at the time why he would think that? But he didn’t have a strait answer…but they hugged tight as she promised her forever love for him.

Had his father been cruel to Seth? Had she missed some signs? Joe had always had a harsher way with Seth than she, but she never saw anything over the top, if she had…she would have most definitely called CPS. Since the divorce things have been cival and the weekly visits for Seth seemed to be going fine…although he was always tired after coming home from a visit, she figured it was just due to not sleeping as well as he does at home in his own bed.

This…This was the one nightmare that she had always said she could never survive. Losing a child. Whether from kidnapping or death. Joe knew this. This is how he was getting back at her for the divorce. He and his trampy little “Nanny” he brought into their family a year ago. How had she been so stupid? So blind? Had they planned this even then?

It’s been over a month since she has seen or spoken with her baby. What must he think? How can they be this heartless? She can almost understand the vengeance put upon her by Joe, but do they not see that this will be equally hurtful for Seth? They know how close she and Seth always have been…this separation has got to be causing Seth emotional trauma.

They just don’t care. They are doing what they want with no regard for anyone else involved. The police have tried to locate the three of them since she reported Seth missing a few hours after she expected Joe to drop him home after their visit. At first she thought Joe was just running late, as per his usual. He never was much for being punctual. But after a couple hours, something told her that this time, something was different. She frantically kept dialing Joe’s cell, going strait to voicemail each time. She left several messages, all unanswered.

The first week she didn’t sleep or eat. She was either crying hysterically or staring blindly into space. She was a walking zombie. The police claimed they would have Seth back home soon…by the second week, she knew if she wanted to get her baby back, she was going to have to get it done herself.

She hired a P.I. and between him and the cops, they had tracked Joe down in Cancun Mexico. How predictable. Cancun…their honeymoon and vacation spot! Just today she was notified that they have the exact condo address where Joe and a young female and little boy were staying. Could it be true? Is it possible that finally they know where her baby is? She’s afraid that because Joe is in Mexico, it will be harder to get Seth back home.

The hours are crawling by as she waits to hear something. She was told to stay put and stay off the phone. She just sits on the couch clutching Seth’s “Mr. Monkey” and praying for his safe return. She kept visualizing all the things that could go wrong. Just as her emotions were spiraling out of control, there was a knock at the door. She froze…was this it? Is she going to be reunited with her child? Or has something gone horribly wrong?

She answered the door and there was Mike, the big gruff P.I. who had been working alongside the State Police for the past few weeks…He told her that they have found them and they were in custody. Amanda, the nanny, had already admitted everything to the police. How Joe had planned this for many months. Seth was in good hands with a social worker and was being transported home. He should be there within a couple hours!

Her thoughts were just everywhere! She hugged Mike around his neck, saying “Thank You!” repeatedly and kissing him on the cheek. Their embrace may have lingered a tad longer than necessary, but she backed away and asked question after question. Mike patiently answered every one she asked. It seems Joe wasn’t cut out for a life of criminal kidnapping. He didn’t bother to hide his identity or anything. He figured since he was the father, he could take the child wherever and whenever he wanted. Evidently reading the divorce agreement slipped his mind.

All she really cares about is holding Seth. Planting kisses allover his chubby little cheeks! Mike stayed to wait with her. They sat at the table, sipping coffee and going over the events of the past few weeks. What a whirlwind! He had been so supportive and empathetic for her. She has no family and just a few close friends, so his support was very appreciated.

Another knock at the door…they both jumped and the coffee’s spilled over the sides of the cups. She ran to the door. As she flung it open there stood a young lady with a smile on her face, without a word she just turned to look behind her and there was the little blond baby boy…holding a sucker in one hand and a stuffed monkey in the other! He looked up and yelled “MOMMY!!” and she knelt down and scooped him into her arms and kept saying “Oh baby…my precious baby! Mommy has missed you so very much! I’ve been looking for you everywhere! I love you so much My little Monkey!” Seth struggled and pulled back to say “Mommy! I can’t breathe! You’re squishing me!” She let up on her grip and they all shared a laugh.

She sat there that evening with her precious child, watching him play, reading to him, holding him and hugging him. She asked about his time away, and he told her about travelling and adventures. He said Amanda was nice to him and gave him lots of candy. Then he crawled back into her lap and put his little hands on each of her cheeks and said “Mommy, I knew you were loving me the whole time I was gone! I knew you didn’t desert me!”

He was so very right. She was loving him the whole time. She would never desert him. A mommy never deserts her children.

The End

This is obviously a very “rough” story. It just flowed out of me and I typed as it did, no editing or researching…just a simple amateurish story…something to keep my mind busy for a bit….Sometimes I write just as an escape…sometimes to vent…sometimes to educate, and sometimes for fun. This was just an escape, so please forgive any typos or implausability. I’m missing someone right now, and writing is one way to get “out of my head” for a bit. Thanks so much for reading.

Happy…

😀

Happy!

I felt happy

Does that sound sappy?

Being hugged by a small child

Makes my ills seem quite mild

They are so sweet and innocent

They see the world as magnificent

When they look at you with eyes so trusting

How can you feel anything but loving?

Small children and puppies make life seem so grand!

Their unconditional love makes me feel like I’ve gone to Disneyland!

Puppy kisses and childrens hugs

Are so much better than any drugs

Add to them a few good books and a cherry limeade

And I may just feel I’ve got it made!

It really doesn’t take much to be happy

And I really don’t care if that sounds sappy!

There we have it, another original Tammy poem….maybe I could be the next Dr. Seuss??? Yea, right. lol….nah, but it’s fun to do, so I have no plans to stop.

Pain levels have been going steadily upward as of late.  Not much I can do about it.  Just rest when I can and bite the bullet and do what needs done when it needs done.  Living with chronic pain is a pain.  Especially when your disability is invisible.  Because as I have said before, if people don’t actually SEE something wrong with you…they have a hard time believing you’re suffering.

I keep trying to live as a “normal” and somedays I do just fine. Then there are days as of late where my acting abilities fall short, and I start biting off peoples heads and fall into bed and burst into tears.  Ya spend alot of time feeling misunderstood when you have a chronic illness.  Your brain is screaming “Why don’t they understand?  Can’t they see I’m in so much pain it’s crippling? Why can’t they get it?” But it’s not really their fault.  They don’t get it, because they aren’t living it.  Although, if they are close family or friends, the do have to live with it to a degree.  They must see you when you’re suffering, they must deal with your moods, they must feel helpless because they can’t help you.  They must feel that way, because I know that’s how I feel when someone I love is ill or hurt.  I feel helpless that I can’t help them, that I can’t make the hurt go away.

So, although I’m in pain today….even worse than yesterday…I am going to ignore that demon and I am going to do what needs to be done.  And I’m going to keep the feeling of that little three year old boys hug and the slurpy smooches of my baby Daisy Duke in mind, and make it a happy day!

I have fallen into a funk as of late, but starting today, once again, I am crawling out of that hole and living with a more positive attitude!  I’m sure I will trip and fall again into that hole, but I will ALWAYS crawl out of it and start over! 

I hope everyone is having a wonderful week!  Choose to be happy!  Choose to be positive!  Smile!  Play with a puppy!  Hug a child!  Watch the sunrise/sunset!  Read a great book!  Do what makes you feel like you’re living!

 

big baby hugs!!!!

“There is no such thing as the pursuit of happiness, but there is the discovery of joy”….Joyce Grenfell

Public Apology:

This is a public apology…to my children.  Whether they have been bothered by me in the past, the present or will be in the future.  I probably owe you an apology.

I’m sorry that when you were in my womb I talked to you every waking moment as if you would answer me, and read books to you and actually believed that when you did a little turn in there, it was because you were enjoying the story.

I’m sorry that when you were an infant I held you more often than not.  I watched you sleep.  I fretted over you if you slept too much or not enough.  I made sure you were breathing if  you were asleep longer than five minutes.  I read every baby book ever written.  I changed your clothes alot, just cuz you had so many cute outfits!  I took you out just to show you off. I loved to just smell the top of your heads after a bath!  I sang to you all the time.

I’m sorry that when you were a toddler I watched over you like a hawk.  I safety proofed every single thing in the house, every corner, every hard surface, every cabinet, every toilet…was militant about child safety seats, and never once left you with a babysitter that wasn’t related because I was sure you would be injured in some way.  I’m sorry I still read to you and sang to you.  I’m sorry I hovered over you and tried to always keep you safe, clean and out of harms way.  I’m sorry I would tickle your toes just to hear you squeal with laughter!

When you were a child I am sorry I made you eat food you disliked because it was good for you.  I’m sorry I tried to teach you manners.  I’m sorry I let all your friends stay the night whenever you wanted them too, because that kept you safe at home with me.  I’m sorry I made such a fuss if you ever went to another friends house by having to meet the parents.  I’m sorry I made you sit at the table practicing your spelling or math over and over so you could pass the tests.  I’m sorry I sat up late at night with you trying to finish a science project you waited til the last minute to tell me about.  I’m sorry I would make up a fake “ghost detector” so you would be able to sleep at night knowing there were no ghosts under your bed or in your closet.  I’m sorry I waited til you got home from school everyday and asked many questions about what went on at school and what kind of day you had.  I’m sorry for letting one of you eat PB & J for lunch every single day for a year, because that was all you would take to school for lunch.  I’m sorry I had to wrestle one of you almost daily just to get your hair combed because you detested it so.  I’m sorry for any times I was an embarrassment…such as the day I had to chase one of your school busses down the street because they forgot to drop you off….in my pajamas.  I’m sorry for staying up all night when you were sick, cleaning up after your sick tummies expelled their contents allover the beds/floors/clothes/etc., fretting each moment that you would die of some plague not yet discovered by modern medicine.

I’m sorry during  your teen years I made you do your homework.  I’m sorry I made you pitch in with chores around the house, sometimes without an allowance, because that’s just what families do.  I’m sorry I asked 1000 questions whenever you wanted to go somewhere.  I’m sorry I asked more questions with each new friend you made and wanted to hang with.  I’m sorry I didn’t allow you to ride in cars with other teen drivers.  I’m sorry I didn’t allow you to go to parties that I feared there would be “no good” going on.  I’m sorry I griped at you for leaving half full pop cans laying around everywhere or half eaten food in your rooms.  I’m sorry that you didn’t always understand my rules or reasonings.  I’m sorry that when you thought you were “getting away with something” I probably knew about it and just let it go….picking my battles and letting some slide.  I’m sorry that I would let you tell me grandiose stories that I knew were untrue, but I let you believe I believed.  I’m sorry for trying to build your self esteem and self respect.  I’m sorry for trying to teach you about life and about becoming and adult.  I’m sorry I didn’t force you to get jobs because I believed you should enjoy your time as a kid and that school was hard enough.  I’m sorry I didn’t push you to hard academically, again…because I believed no one needs to be brow beaten to exceed at something if they don’t enjoy it.  I’m sorry I tried to protect you from every conceivable danger in the world.

As adults I’m sorry if I still feel I’m a mother who needs to try to help.  I’m sorry if I still think your life is part of mine.  I’m sorry if I still think I can help keep you from making mistakes, I’m sorry if I am still trying to safe guard all the sharp corners of life.  I’m sorry if I still try to make you giggle because I enjoy the sound so much.  I’m sorry if I can’t help myself from giving my opinions on your every move.  I’m sorry if I didn’t fully succeed at preparing you for the hard knocks of life.  I’m sorry if I have ever hurt your feelings or your pride.  I’m sorry if I have ever scared you by being ill.  I’m sorry if I have made mistakes.  I’m sorry if I will continue to make mistakes.  I’m sorry if I will spoil your future children and try to protect them as well.  I’m sorry if I someday become a burden that you won’t have time for.  I’m sorry if I will someday leave you and no longer be around to annoy you in some way.  I’m sorry for feeling guilt at your every misfortune in life.

I’m sorry.  Because….I am a mom…and moms are usually sorry about something. 

“I think a mother is the best friend God gives us.  There are friend moments, and there are mother moments.  Sometimes they are both at the same time”  Virginia Harris

Nature vs. Nurture:

Have you ever known a family with two or more children, where maybe one of the kids are a strait A student, a “pleaser”, very shy, honest…just seemingly “The Perfect Child.”  Then have one of his siblings be flunking out of school, loud and obnoxious, a very talented manipulative liar, just seemingly “The Bad Child?” 

I have read books and articles regarding how it’s the parents fault how their children grow up.  They blame the parents if they have a child who is just a nasty little brat.  They say it’s the way the child was brought up…his environment that made him that way. 

But then, how do you explain having children from the very same family turning out so very differently?  Doesn’t it seem then, that we are born sort of “hardwired” as to how we will be?  Born to have a lower intellect?  Born to be loud?  Born to be smart?  Born to be liars?  Born to be devious and manipulative?

Of course your environment has to have SOME impact.  But I just hate it when people say, “Well, if you’ve seen that kids family, you’d understand.”  Or similar negative things, generally blaming the parents for how the kid is behaving.  I have seen parents who do “everything right” according to anyone looking in.  They have loved and cared for a child, read to the child since birth or before, taught them manners, sent them to pre-school, educated them, played with them, kept them safe, gave them everything they needed and wanted (not spoiling).  And yet, this child fails at school, is anti social, lies, steals, cheats, starts to drink or do drugs, etc.

On the other side of the spectrum, I have seen parents who took absolutely NO interest in their children, barely keep them alive, show very little love, don’t bother with them basically…and yet this child will be extremely intelligent, polite, social, loving, law abiding, and moral.

This has always interested me.  Some parents sometimes want to pat themselves on the back because their children have turned out very well…they have pushed their kids to excel in everything, pushed them to the point their kids feel so much pressure they get ulcers or worse…Or they pat themselves on the back and in reality they had zero to do with how their kids turned out…

There are lots of studies on this very topic, and they are very interesting to read…to me anyway.  I know of kids who have been pushed really really hard to be “The Best” and they are, but they don’t have much of a “loving” relationship with their parents or they resent them for not letting them have much of a childhood.  Maybe there are kids who weren’t pushed who when grown look back and wish they had been.

Myself I guess there must be a happy medium.  There is both nature and nurture.  But, I don’t believe if your child doesn’t turn out to be a very good person, that the blame all goes on the parents and also that if a child turns out to be a wonderful adult, all the accolades do not go to the parent.

All I can say is, just love and protect your children, do what you feel is right for them…and cross your fingers they turn out well! 

I love both of mine and they are both PERFECT of course!  😉

“Cleverness devoid of wisdom is extremely dangerous and destructive.”  TOLLE