Tag Archive | baby

The Mommy “Angel”….

To the mommy who didn’t sleep tonite cuz she was up with a sick baby, I noticed.

To the mommy who is still wearing maternity jeans at 6 months post delivery cuz she can’t afford new ones, I noticed.

To the mommy who skipped garlic toast with dinner so her family could each have 2, I noticed.

To the mommy who buys generic deodorant so her family can eat name brand peanut butter, I noticed.

To the mommy who is still up doing laundry or dishes after 1 am, I noticed.

To the mommy who is rocking her sick baby in the steamy bathroom at 4am, I noticed.

To the mommy who hasn’t had 4 hrs of strait sleep in a year, I noticed.

To the mommy who is scraping whatever that weird gunk is between the stove & counter, I noticed.

To the mommy who goes around spraying Lysol on all surfaces multiple times per day, I noticed.

To the mommy cleaning poo/pee off the potty numerous times per day, I noticed.

To the mommy who has said her thousandth “protection” prayer for her children, I noticed.

To the mommy who has compared herself yet once again to the latest celebrity moms body, I noticed.

To the mommy who has read the same bedtime story for the hundredth time, I noticed.

To the mommy who has layed on the floor holding her childs hand so he/she could  sleep, I noticed.

To the mommy who has spent hours helping her child with their science project, I noticed.

To the mommy who has stayed up all night worrying about a sick child, I noticed.

To the mommy who has worried herself sick during her childs first overnight stay, I noticed.

To the mommy who has repeated “stranger danger” to her children several times, I noticed.

To the mommy who has felt ugly at the end of the day, I noticed.

To the mommy who doesn’t feel valued, I noticed.

To the mommy who loves her family more than herself, I noticed.

To the mommy who cuts coupons, makes lists, and juggles the bills, I noticed.

To the mommy who hasn’t felt sexy since she was 3 months pregnant, I noticed.

To the mommy who tries to make each holiday and birthday special, I noticed.

To the mommy who cooks a meal or two each and everyday, hearing the words “eww”, I noticed.

To the mommy who does her families laundry each week, I noticed.

To the mommy who changes the bedclothes each week…whether they looked dirty or not, I noticed.

To the mommy who struggles thru the evening child bath with smiles and tickles, I noticed.

To the mommy who scrapes yet another egg crusted skillet, I noticed.

To the mommy who sat alone in the middle of the night feeling inadequate, I noticed.

To the mommy who rocked her colicky baby while crying herself, I noticed.

To the mommy who 2nd guessed herself on every child rearing decision, I noticed.

To the mommy who cut ravioli into equal portions for her children, I noticed.

To the mommy who tried to explain Jesus, Santa, or the Easter Bunny, I noticed.

To the mommy caring for children, grandchildren and parents/grandparents, I noticed.

To the mommy scrubbing baseboards/nooks & crannies, I noticed.

To the mommy singing the ABC’s one more time, I noticed.

To the mommy hugging her child & kissing their boo boo, I noticed.

To the mommy wiping the ickiest body substances for the 10th time that day, I noticed.

To the mommy who goes without a new winter coat so her children can have new, I noticed.

To the mommy who skips her prescription this month so her child can have his, I noticed.

To the mommy who fears she is making many mistakes, I noticed.

To the mommy who checks her sleeping babies breaths, I noticed.

To the mommy who sneaks cauliflower into the mashed potatoes, I noticed.

To the mommy who makes her childs lunch everyday, I noticed.

To the mommy who tucks their child in each and every night, I noticed.

To the mommy who scares away the “bad monsters” everynite, I noticed.

To the mommy who has braced herself for the after school “listen to my story first” onslaught, I noticed.

To the mommy who has had to read a thousand stories outloud to her child, I noticed.

To the mommy who skipped her shower today so her children could have a hot bath, I noticed.

To the mommy who skipped a cookie so her child could have two, I noticed.

To the mommy who felt inadequate when compared to another mommy, I noticed.

To the mommy who felt second best when compared to a “work outside the home” mommy, I noticed.

To the mommy who tried to remain calm when she was scared out of her mind for her child, I noticed.

To the mommy who listened to an hour long story of a “booger picker” at school, I noticed.

To the mommy  who heard “But Tommy/Marys mom always lets them do it!” a hundred times, I noticed.

To the mommy who has heard “I hate you!”, I noticed.

To the mommy whose heart has broken during each of her childs sad times, I noticed.

To the mommy who has had to smile thru tears, I noticed.

To the mommy who has felt invisible, I noticed.

To the mommy who felt all alone, I noticed.

To the mommy who wondered if anyone noticed their home décor, I noticed.

To the mommy who has tried to freshen up after a day of spit up and diapers, I noticed.

To the mommy who has had to referee another sibling fight, I noticed.

To the mommy who has given her life for her children…I noticed.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………..signed, The Mommy Angel

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Desert

mom and sonShe looked into his tear filled eyes and made him a promise that she would always love him and would never desert him.

She told him to never forget that. She had no idea that in just a short time, her ability to keep that promise would be ripped away from her…

He was taken away by people we trusted. She may never see him again. what must he think of her? That she broke her promise? That she really did lie to him? That she does’t love him?

She can barely stand the thought of him believing she doesn’t want to see him. He doesn’t know it’s not her choosing. She has no control over this forced separation.

While she knows he will not be harmed, it does not change the fact that he shouldn’t have to suffer this emotional scar anymore than she.

They may say he’s young and doesn’t miss or even remember her at all…but she knows better.

This is the cruelest fate a mother can endure…the abduction of her only child, by the one person she thought she could trust.

His father came for his weekly overnight visit…while the divorce wasn’t pain free, it was okay by most standards. There was never any indication that he would do something as insanely cruel as this.

He knows how much she loves their only child…her sweet little boy Seth…now only four years old.

Now looking back she wonders, what made him so sad that day…when he cried and said “but mommy, you’re not going to love me anymore!”…had he heard his father say something? She had asked him at the time why he would think that? But he didn’t have a strait answer…but they hugged tight as she promised her forever love for him.

Had his father been cruel to Seth? Had she missed some signs? Joe had always had a harsher way with Seth than she, but she never saw anything over the top, if she had…she would have most definitely called CPS. Since the divorce things have been cival and the weekly visits for Seth seemed to be going fine…although he was always tired after coming home from a visit, she figured it was just due to not sleeping as well as he does at home in his own bed.

This…This was the one nightmare that she had always said she could never survive. Losing a child. Whether from kidnapping or death. Joe knew this. This is how he was getting back at her for the divorce. He and his trampy little “Nanny” he brought into their family a year ago. How had she been so stupid? So blind? Had they planned this even then?

It’s been over a month since she has seen or spoken with her baby. What must he think? How can they be this heartless? She can almost understand the vengeance put upon her by Joe, but do they not see that this will be equally hurtful for Seth? They know how close she and Seth always have been…this separation has got to be causing Seth emotional trauma.

They just don’t care. They are doing what they want with no regard for anyone else involved. The police have tried to locate the three of them since she reported Seth missing a few hours after she expected Joe to drop him home after their visit. At first she thought Joe was just running late, as per his usual. He never was much for being punctual. But after a couple hours, something told her that this time, something was different. She frantically kept dialing Joe’s cell, going strait to voicemail each time. She left several messages, all unanswered.

The first week she didn’t sleep or eat. She was either crying hysterically or staring blindly into space. She was a walking zombie. The police claimed they would have Seth back home soon…by the second week, she knew if she wanted to get her baby back, she was going to have to get it done herself.

She hired a P.I. and between him and the cops, they had tracked Joe down in Cancun Mexico. How predictable. Cancun…their honeymoon and vacation spot! Just today she was notified that they have the exact condo address where Joe and a young female and little boy were staying. Could it be true? Is it possible that finally they know where her baby is? She’s afraid that because Joe is in Mexico, it will be harder to get Seth back home.

The hours are crawling by as she waits to hear something. She was told to stay put and stay off the phone. She just sits on the couch clutching Seth’s “Mr. Monkey” and praying for his safe return. She kept visualizing all the things that could go wrong. Just as her emotions were spiraling out of control, there was a knock at the door. She froze…was this it? Is she going to be reunited with her child? Or has something gone horribly wrong?

She answered the door and there was Mike, the big gruff P.I. who had been working alongside the State Police for the past few weeks…He told her that they have found them and they were in custody. Amanda, the nanny, had already admitted everything to the police. How Joe had planned this for many months. Seth was in good hands with a social worker and was being transported home. He should be there within a couple hours!

Her thoughts were just everywhere! She hugged Mike around his neck, saying “Thank You!” repeatedly and kissing him on the cheek. Their embrace may have lingered a tad longer than necessary, but she backed away and asked question after question. Mike patiently answered every one she asked. It seems Joe wasn’t cut out for a life of criminal kidnapping. He didn’t bother to hide his identity or anything. He figured since he was the father, he could take the child wherever and whenever he wanted. Evidently reading the divorce agreement slipped his mind.

All she really cares about is holding Seth. Planting kisses allover his chubby little cheeks! Mike stayed to wait with her. They sat at the table, sipping coffee and going over the events of the past few weeks. What a whirlwind! He had been so supportive and empathetic for her. She has no family and just a few close friends, so his support was very appreciated.

Another knock at the door…they both jumped and the coffee’s spilled over the sides of the cups. She ran to the door. As she flung it open there stood a young lady with a smile on her face, without a word she just turned to look behind her and there was the little blond baby boy…holding a sucker in one hand and a stuffed monkey in the other! He looked up and yelled “MOMMY!!” and she knelt down and scooped him into her arms and kept saying “Oh baby…my precious baby! Mommy has missed you so very much! I’ve been looking for you everywhere! I love you so much My little Monkey!” Seth struggled and pulled back to say “Mommy! I can’t breathe! You’re squishing me!” She let up on her grip and they all shared a laugh.

She sat there that evening with her precious child, watching him play, reading to him, holding him and hugging him. She asked about his time away, and he told her about travelling and adventures. He said Amanda was nice to him and gave him lots of candy. Then he crawled back into her lap and put his little hands on each of her cheeks and said “Mommy, I knew you were loving me the whole time I was gone! I knew you didn’t desert me!”

He was so very right. She was loving him the whole time. She would never desert him. A mommy never deserts her children.

The End

This is obviously a very “rough” story. It just flowed out of me and I typed as it did, no editing or researching…just a simple amateurish story…something to keep my mind busy for a bit….Sometimes I write just as an escape…sometimes to vent…sometimes to educate, and sometimes for fun. This was just an escape, so please forgive any typos or implausability. I’m missing someone right now, and writing is one way to get “out of my head” for a bit. Thanks so much for reading.

A dream is a wish the heart makes:

 

 

A dream.  When I saw the topic for this blog carnival, my first instinct was, “well, I don’t think I will participate in this one, because I have no dreams.” Tonight when I was clearing out my email box, there was the email announcing the carnival again, as I had just left it in the mailbox.   I decided maybe I will try to come up with something that fits this topic.

It’s sad to be 43 years old and feel as if all your dreams have died.  Gone by the wayside.  Just drudging thru the days of your life, with no dreams to motivate you on.  But as I lay here tonight on my bed I realize I DO have a dream.  It’s what has propelled me on for the last five years.  It’s kept me going when I wondered if there was really any point in doing so.

My “dream” is to be a part of my childrens lives for many more years.  My “dream” is to have grandchildren sitting on my lap, giving me the sweetest hugs only an innocent child can give.  To be here to support my grown children as they travel the rough road of adulthood and parenthood.  To be there when they have their first baby and need to call me in the middle of the night with questions about the babys care.  To be able to spoil grandchildren with toys, candy and outtings to the zoo or circus!  To have family gatherings where we are all talking and laughing together!  Just enjoying family fun!

 

That’s it.  That’s my dream.  Somedays I feel pretty lucky to be here with my kids (grown as they may be), to be here to support them and guide them.  My dream sounds so simple, yet with the pain and physical illness I must deal with, there are many days where I doubt I will be able to obtain that dream of being around for many years, of getting to experience the birth of my first grandchild.  I have never been a dreamer.  Always a realist.  The whole “expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed” analogy.  But I AM disappointed.  That I can’t feel confident of having even the simplest of dreams.  To be with my family.  To be healthy enough to have the energy to host a gathering for my family.  To have the ability to lift a child for a huge bear hug.  To have the financial means to afford to take the family on a vacation or the afore mentioned circus even!  With the pain and extreme money problems, just these simple things are out of reach.

                                                                         (picture shown not me or any baby I know, but he’s precious!)

So, my entry may seem to be such a pessimistic and depressing one, when the title is such an optimistic and happy sounding one.  For this I apologize.  It’s not that I don’t have “wishes” I have many of those.  My heart is not dead.  I haven’t given up hope.  I have faith.  I have determination and grit. 

I WILL be here for many more years for my family!  I WILL be here for the birth of my first grandchild!  I WILL carry that granchild and lift him/her up when they fall!  I WILL be here for those middle of the night calls for advice!  I WILL have family gatherings and I WILL sit at that table and talk and laugh with my loved-ones!  These are the wishes of my heart.  I have faith that God will let me have this life that I pray for each night. 

My kids have always been my inspiration for going on.  They continue to be.  With the promise of future grandchildren giving me a warm feeling in my heart…as I have had a taste of this wonderful feeling for the last couple of years by being a “MeeMaw” to my sons wonderful girlfriends two little boys, who I have grown to love as much as if they were blood. 

I guess these wishes from my heart ARE my dream.  Maybe I do have a bit of a dreamer in there afterall.

The Little Girl…part 5

Here she was.  In teen jail.  With girls who were BAD.  For real bad…like run away from home, sell drugs, kick your ass bad! The gurards made them strip and shower…with no privacy.  Led them down some very plain and scary halls, the color of barf.  They were led to the “dayroom” it was equally ugly and scary.  Threadbare carpet, puke colored walls, dingy and ripped couches, an old tv and a pool table in the middle of the room.  There were groups of girls just staring at them. ” This is it,” she thought to herself,  “This is where I’m gonna die.”  There were girls in there who had run away from home in New York…she wondered why anyone would run away to Indiana?  These girls were not looking to make new friends.  Thankfully she only had to spend a couple hours in the dayroom with these “hardened criminals.”  It was time for bed.  Atleast she had her own room.  Cement walls.  Toilet anchored to the wall.  A stone cot with the thinnest mattress in existence.  She didn’t sleep a wink of course.  Her mom came to get her the next morning and the judge gave them probation, then expunged her record later.

Lesson learned…atleast to never steal.  Now partying?  That was a different story.  The girl continued doing well gradewise in school, but she was left alone alot.  She lived in an apartment complex and became friendly with a couple of guys who lived there, and their apartment was THE party place in the area.  Parties every night just about.  Older people than her mostly.  But they treated her cool…she felt like a grown up with them.  Little did she know, they didn’t care how old she was…not at all.

At one of these parties, they kept her supplied with plenty of alcoholic drinks…one after another.  She trusted these guys…they were her friends!  She was like their little sister!  She learned…a little too late…not really.  She passed out.  When she woke up, someone was on top of her…she was being raped.  She tried pushing him off, she cried out…it was dark but she could see who it was…she scratched him and he slapped her and called her names as he got up and told her to get out!  She left, went home and showered.  She didn’t even think about calling the police or even telling anyone.  She knew it was her fault.  Her fault for drinking and partying with them.  She never told.  Soon after she got her first REAL boyfriend.  She was soo in love with Mark!  He was extremely handsome, tall and funny too!  They became inseparable.  They would be together for the next four years.  Those were good years…but they were young, and it just wasn’t meant to last. 

After Mark, she met Jeff.  He was four years older than her.  He was 22, and experienced…and mature, or so she thought.  He told her all kinds of stories, and she bought them.  She was so hungry for affection, she just wanted to be loved.  There were signs he wasn’t going to be good to her.  But she didn’t pay attention to them.  They married.  He was abusive.  It started out as just emotional abuse, but she didn’t think it was that bad.  So, he called her names…big deal…right?  Ok, so he slapped her once or twice…isn’t that how all relationships are?  Next thing she knew she was pregnant.  She was thrilled!  A baby!  Something all her own to love!  And to love her!  She was so excited about this baby!  She quickly started scouring garage sales and stores for baby items!  She was on a budget, but she made sure she would have everything perfect for her baby!  The pregnancy went well, she and baby were healthy…Jeff continued the emotional abuse, left her a couple times, had affairs, but she continued to take him back.  She just thought this was the way it was.  After the baby was born, life went on.  She loved her baby girl so much!  She was perfect! The marriage continued on it’s path of destruction however.  She did leave him once or twice…but always got conned into coming back.  He would beg and plead with her to return.  He would promise to never hit her, never yell at her and to never cheat on her again…but again and again, he did just that.  Then she was pregnant again.

This pregnancy wasn’t as easy as the first.  She couldn’t work through this one.  Jeff continued his ways, but at this point she was only staying for the security of having a home for her babies.  Once her second daughter was born…she knew she had to get out.  She started to see the fear in the kids eyes…they were HER eyes as a child!  She moved back home with her mother, until she could get on her feet.  But would she ever?

to be continued

Try to find a little something each day to make it a holiday!