Tag Archive | appreciation

The Mommy “Angel”….

To the mommy who didn’t sleep tonite cuz she was up with a sick baby, I noticed.

To the mommy who is still wearing maternity jeans at 6 months post delivery cuz she can’t afford new ones, I noticed.

To the mommy who skipped garlic toast with dinner so her family could each have 2, I noticed.

To the mommy who buys generic deodorant so her family can eat name brand peanut butter, I noticed.

To the mommy who is still up doing laundry or dishes after 1 am, I noticed.

To the mommy who is rocking her sick baby in the steamy bathroom at 4am, I noticed.

To the mommy who hasn’t had 4 hrs of strait sleep in a year, I noticed.

To the mommy who is scraping whatever that weird gunk is between the stove & counter, I noticed.

To the mommy who goes around spraying Lysol on all surfaces multiple times per day, I noticed.

To the mommy cleaning poo/pee off the potty numerous times per day, I noticed.

To the mommy who has said her thousandth “protection” prayer for her children, I noticed.

To the mommy who has compared herself yet once again to the latest celebrity moms body, I noticed.

To the mommy who has read the same bedtime story for the hundredth time, I noticed.

To the mommy who has layed on the floor holding her childs hand so he/she could  sleep, I noticed.

To the mommy who has spent hours helping her child with their science project, I noticed.

To the mommy who has stayed up all night worrying about a sick child, I noticed.

To the mommy who has worried herself sick during her childs first overnight stay, I noticed.

To the mommy who has repeated “stranger danger” to her children several times, I noticed.

To the mommy who has felt ugly at the end of the day, I noticed.

To the mommy who doesn’t feel valued, I noticed.

To the mommy who loves her family more than herself, I noticed.

To the mommy who cuts coupons, makes lists, and juggles the bills, I noticed.

To the mommy who hasn’t felt sexy since she was 3 months pregnant, I noticed.

To the mommy who tries to make each holiday and birthday special, I noticed.

To the mommy who cooks a meal or two each and everyday, hearing the words “eww”, I noticed.

To the mommy who does her families laundry each week, I noticed.

To the mommy who changes the bedclothes each week…whether they looked dirty or not, I noticed.

To the mommy who struggles thru the evening child bath with smiles and tickles, I noticed.

To the mommy who scrapes yet another egg crusted skillet, I noticed.

To the mommy who sat alone in the middle of the night feeling inadequate, I noticed.

To the mommy who rocked her colicky baby while crying herself, I noticed.

To the mommy who 2nd guessed herself on every child rearing decision, I noticed.

To the mommy who cut ravioli into equal portions for her children, I noticed.

To the mommy who tried to explain Jesus, Santa, or the Easter Bunny, I noticed.

To the mommy caring for children, grandchildren and parents/grandparents, I noticed.

To the mommy scrubbing baseboards/nooks & crannies, I noticed.

To the mommy singing the ABC’s one more time, I noticed.

To the mommy hugging her child & kissing their boo boo, I noticed.

To the mommy wiping the ickiest body substances for the 10th time that day, I noticed.

To the mommy who goes without a new winter coat so her children can have new, I noticed.

To the mommy who skips her prescription this month so her child can have his, I noticed.

To the mommy who fears she is making many mistakes, I noticed.

To the mommy who checks her sleeping babies breaths, I noticed.

To the mommy who sneaks cauliflower into the mashed potatoes, I noticed.

To the mommy who makes her childs lunch everyday, I noticed.

To the mommy who tucks their child in each and every night, I noticed.

To the mommy who scares away the “bad monsters” everynite, I noticed.

To the mommy who has braced herself for the after school “listen to my story first” onslaught, I noticed.

To the mommy who has had to read a thousand stories outloud to her child, I noticed.

To the mommy who skipped her shower today so her children could have a hot bath, I noticed.

To the mommy who skipped a cookie so her child could have two, I noticed.

To the mommy who felt inadequate when compared to another mommy, I noticed.

To the mommy who felt second best when compared to a “work outside the home” mommy, I noticed.

To the mommy who tried to remain calm when she was scared out of her mind for her child, I noticed.

To the mommy who listened to an hour long story of a “booger picker” at school, I noticed.

To the mommy  who heard “But Tommy/Marys mom always lets them do it!” a hundred times, I noticed.

To the mommy who has heard “I hate you!”, I noticed.

To the mommy whose heart has broken during each of her childs sad times, I noticed.

To the mommy who has had to smile thru tears, I noticed.

To the mommy who has felt invisible, I noticed.

To the mommy who felt all alone, I noticed.

To the mommy who wondered if anyone noticed their home décor, I noticed.

To the mommy who has tried to freshen up after a day of spit up and diapers, I noticed.

To the mommy who has had to referee another sibling fight, I noticed.

To the mommy who has given her life for her children…I noticed.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………..signed, The Mommy Angel

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Tired with a dash of defeat

It’s been a long past couple of months.  Pain levels spiraling out of control many days. Family problems suddenly coming out the wazoo.  Stressing out because I feel I am not working enough to contribute to our finances because the pain keeps me from signing up for too many hours.  I feel I’ve failed my family in many ways.  And frankly they have failed me in some ways. That’s just life I guess.  But family is all we have, so we try to work it out.  But when you have a chronic illness, it’s hard to add all of that crap to your already piled up plate..

Will there ever be a day where I wake up and say “Wow! I feel pretty good today!” and hop out of bed and the sun is shining and my  whole family is here, all healthy and happy and loving and honest and appreciative of each other?  Where I can walk around the house without h0lding my butchered abdomen in my hands.  Where I can bend over to pick up something off the floor?  Where I can walk the 2 blocks to the grocery store to carry home a gallon of milk?  Where my children look at me with the love and admiration they had when they were little?  Where my grandmother is healthy and strong and planning on living another 10 years?  Where my dog stops peeing in the house? lol…I just want some happiness.  I want normalcy.  I want this feeling of fatigue and failure to walk the hell out the door and never come back.

So many days I think I should just stay in bed and let life just go on without me.  I evidently do no good when I’m up, so why keep participating in this rat race that is going nowhere?  Why should I keep pushing myself?  Why keep caring and worry about others when that care isn’t reciprocated? Why bother to do anything but take care of myself…and I can barely do that.  I’m just this sick woman who has been living this illusion that me being around was helping others.  That somehow they NEEDED me to be around.  Now I know no one NEEDS me around.  Maybe it’s good that no one needs me….but since my health disaster in 2005, me thinking that my family needed me was what saved me. It was what kept me fighting to live. It’s what forced me to keep going.  Now what keeps me going? As a mom you get used to being needed and looked to for answers. Once they are gone…what are you to do? Especially when you are a sick person? 

I spose it’s just another funk I’m in due to the increase in pain. And the realization that things are not always what you think they are.  People won’t always stay the same or always be there for you.  Sometimes you have to watch people go away. There are alot of cruel and crazy people in the world who can weasle their way into otherwise normal people and make THEM crazy as well. Crazy is contagious I think…

So here it is about 1am and I can’t sleep, although my eyes ache with fatigue.  My hair is falling out again due to stress.  My gutt is feeling like there are two swordsmen in there battling it out. Maybe I have caught one of the crazy bugs, who knows…but I’m feeling a bit lost here.

I don’t know what I’ve ever done to be made to live this way, to be discarded from the world…I just don’t know…but whatever it was I would like to say right now to the Universe I AM SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! PLEASE EITHER MAKE MY LIFE TOLERABLE BOTH PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY….OR TAKE ME OUT OF THE GAME! I’M SICK OF THE BENCH.

Gifts from the heart? Micro-managing…and more!

Have you ever given a gift to someone?  Of course you have!  All of us have given a gift to someone at some point or another in our lives.  Maybe it was an extravagant gift like a diamond necklace…or maybe it was a used t-shirt we no longer needed or wore…maybe it was rocks from your garden that your bestfriend really liked and wanted….maybe it was lunch for a friend….maybe it was a cash tip for a job well done!  Yes, we have all done this, right?

When you gave this gift…did you do it because you wanted to?  Because you felt good doing something nice for someone?  Because you are just a kind and giving person?  Because you wanted to show the other person some type of appreciation?  Because you liked or loved the recipient of the gift?  Probably so.

After giving said gift, did you then harbor in the back of your mind that this person somehow was now indebted to you or owed you in some capacity?  That you now have done something nice for them and they now owe you the same in return?  I would think not, because the whole idea of giving a gift is to do it out of kindness…not out of some twisted sense of “HA! Now you must turn and do something nice for me!”  lol…no, I think we all give gifts because we are nice and it makes US feel good to do good for others.  At least I hope so. 

I have heard stories of people who do nice things for others, then throw it in their face when things don’t go their way for some reason.  I’ve never been sure what to make of people who do things like that.  People who say things like “Well I was nice to you!  How can you disagree with my opinion?”  Like being nice was payment on some future debt owed.  “I was nice to you in 1987, so I need you to wash my car now!”  Or they blow what they have given you so far out of proportion…like that old mirror that had been in their attic unused or unseen for years was some brand new grand piano?  I dunno.  I have just heard of these type of occurrances, and it bothers me.  When I give someone something, I gave it.  It’s gone.  It made me feel good and it made them feel good.  Once you bring it up or make it ugly….it makes no one feel good.

Just watched a movie this week where this man was a micro-manager.  OF EVERYTHING!  He was the supervisor at a big department store.  He was one of those bossy bosses…lol.  You know the type.  They know it all.  They have done it all.  They know the best way of doing it all.  On the surface he seemed like a nice guy…in fact, he would be the first to tell you what  a nice guy he was!  😉 Once they really got to know him however…or worked under him for any length of time…they saw the truth.  He would tell the guys stories about his life..or problems he is having with other employees or other people in general…and of course they agree with everything he says…he’s the boss or your friend or your brother in law!  What else are ya gonna do?  Anyway, on the show he was such a “manager” of everything, at home…he ran the show…he told his wife how to do everything, where to put things, how to put them there, when to put them there. He wasn’t abusive or anything, it was a comedy…lol, he was just so arrogant!  He didn’t even seem to realize just how annoying he was, or how everyone really found him to be a total bafoon! His poor wife, she followed his every rule and command like a whipped puppy dog.  She’d say “Oh yes, Honey!  I’ll do that!” To his every command.  “If she only knew how he talked about her behind her back!”…the friends would say.  He had two grown sons who wouldn’t even talk to him…they would talk to the mom, and stop over only when the dad wasn’t around, at first…before you found out how the dad was, you thought these two sons were real brats for being so mean to their father…then as the story unfolded, you understood!   The employees did as they were told and pretended to be interested in his boring and sometimes ridiculous stories, they would put in the correct compliments where indicated.  But outside of work, they all made fun of him.  Of how he really thought he was “cool” or “goodlooking” or “smart”, or “talented” he really thought he was a great singer, when in fact it sounded like fingernails on the chalkboard!  Didn’t stop him from singing all the time though!  In the shower, in the bathroom stalls, in the halls, everywhere!  lol…  This guy would find one employee and take him under his wing…he was so desperate for a friend at the beginning of the movie, the new employee would go along with his boss…at times feeling pity for the guy.  Eventually this “boss’s pet” would figure out that the dude was completely nutzo!  He soon learned why all the other employee’s talked badly about this guy and why some had previously quit.  His demands were at times just plain moronic, and he always thought someone was trying to rip him off…whether at work or at home…it was hilarious..at one point he had three different plumbers coming to his house for estimates on just changing the ballcock in the toilet tank!  Trying to save $5.oo!  lol….but you would’ve had to watch the movie and I can’t remember the name of it right now.  Eventually the guy lost his job…and was left as he started…friendless and looking for work….but no worries, his hapless wife was still by his side, but there was the indication that she would soon be sick of his insanity. It ended with him sending back the car he had just had specially outfitted with outrageous interior because he now thought it was vulgar…the guys at the auto detailers, put a dead fish in his car heater vents!  It was great!!! Even though it was funny, it did have a moral…that even if you’re delusional thinking you are greater than you really are, in the end…it’s others opinion of you that tells the world what kind of person you are.  Anyway…I guess the show got me thinkin about all the micro-managers of the world….I bet they give themselves migraines!

I’m feeling pretty good tonight.  For a change.  Think I’m getting my UTI under control.  It’s one of those days where I am feeling thankful for alot of things instead of down.  I am thankful that I have two great children who love me and spend alot of time with me…willingly!  I am grateful that I have such a great relationship with my kids and my family!  I am grateful that I have so many kind and loving and true friends…some in person and some online!  I am grateful that I have a strong and supportive family…even through tough times.  I am just grateful for alot tonight!  And guess what peeps?  SPRING has sprung!  Woo Hoo!  What’s not to love about that?!  Sunshine!  That always makes me feel better.  And Easter is Sunday, and spring break….I sure hope the weather stays nice for everyone! 

I appreciate all of you who read and message me privately and comment! 

We should give as we would receive, cheerfully, quickly, and without hesitation; for there is no grace in a benefit that sticks to the fingers.  ~Seneca

Appreciation

I have been thinking about appreciation lately.  Have you ever known kids, especially teens, who have everything you could ask for…like Ipods, Iphones, laptops, desktops, designer clothes, expensive vacations, cars, beautiful homes, etc.?  Some of them have all of this STUFF and they act like it’s nothing.  They seem to think they are entitled to all of it.  They don’t take particular care of the items…why should they?  Another one will appear in its place if it’s broken or lost..they think it’s like magic!  They don’t have rules to follow.  They don’t have to work, clean or do chores.  They treat their parents either with disdain or indifference.  Life OWES them.

Then you have the kids who have very little…and they are SO appreciative of everything they get or have.  They take extra care with their items, they are so grateful for them.  They don’t get all the expensive gadgets or the VERY best of everything, but they are happy with what they do have.  They sometimes must work to get these items they long for…which makes them understand the value of a dollar and how much work goes into being able to afford them.  They don’t get to take fancy vacations, or drive fancy cars, or unfortunately get fancy educations…they are just the kids who will struggle through life.

Sometimes it seems that there is such a huge difference in the “HAVES” and the “HAVE NOTS”…Of course their are rich kids who do appreciate what they have and have parents who have them learn the value of money and working hard for what you earn…and their are poor kids whose parents don’t teach them anything about finances either…and sometimes, it’s not just “kids” who behave this way, there are plenty of adults who have this same entitlement attitude in the world.

When my grandmother was a little girl, she would go to school with only a small piece of cornbread wrapped in a napkin for her lunch.  She would sit on the bench outside slowly eating it to make it last, while watching some of the more “Well to do” kids eating their fancy packed lunches with meat, vegetables, fruit and sometimes CANDY!  She would look longingly at what they had…but she said she always thanked God for her piece of cornbread, because she knew there were other kids who had NOTHING to eat for lunch.

So that’s what I try to do.  I try to remember to thank GOD everyday for what I DO have.  I am not rich.  I do not have a beautiful home.  I do not drive a fancy car.  I don’t wear the best clothes, I haven’t had a great vacation in years, we can’t pay all our bills…BUT, I do have food, I do have a roof over my head, I do have a car, I do have clothes, and most importantly, I have my children and family…I am so very thankful for all of it.  I appreciate every item I own.

I think I would rather have less and appreciate it more… than to have it all and behave as if it’s nothing.

Look around and appreciate all you have!  There are people out there who have so much less.

Thank you for taking a few minutes to read my ramblings!

“Unhappiness ultimately arises not from the circumstances of your life, but from the conditioning of your mind.”  Tolle