Be there cuz u care. ..not cuz u wna cash in ..on an imagined treasure.

Being a full time caregiver is tough. Putting another adults needs above your own, day in and day out for months, or years. ..is a challenge.  No matter how much you love them  or how much they’ve done for you. …it’s hard.

Your with them 16 to 24 hrs a day.  Everyday.  24 hrs a day each weekend.  There are no vacations.  Even if you manage 24 hrs off…your mind is there with them.  The Toileting,  dressing,  bathing,  brushing,  cleaning, feeding,  empathzing,  listening,  commiserating, transferring,  lifting.    It’s work.  Physical and emotional.  WORK. For zero pay.

But you do it,  it of love . It’s the right thing to do.  You WANT to be there.  Then you have to deal with the”judges” thr ones who do next to nothing to care for someone,  but find the need to judge how YOU do it.  They slink in at the end if people’s lives to offer meaningless help. ..and to inquire about Financials. ..where were they during the diaper changes…the up all night anxieties. ..the baths,  the doc appointments?  Where?

They were living their FREE lives.  Unencumbered.  Couldn’t be bothered.  Their lives are busy and important.  They’re jealous that you seem to have too much control.   Never considering that perhaps you never wanted this responsibility.  Never asked for it.

You give up a normal life. ..caring for someone who you know would do the same for you. ..and had.  You expect nothing.  But deserve the respect from the ones who couldn’t be bothered.

Keep digging.  All the way to the hell that you’ve earned.

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One thought on “Be there cuz u care. ..not cuz u wna cash in ..on an imagined treasure.

  1. You are a love to care for someone so selflessly.
    I’ve been there. and had someone come and judge how I was doing it, when it was convenient to them. What? How the heck do you think this was getting done when you weren’t here?

    There was no money. and my father got anything there was. not that he helped.
    But I didn’t do it for that. I did it for love.
    But she can do it for him. Her name is on all of his paperwork. She can do it.

    I am absolutely amazed that you are able to do these things.
    I couldn’t do it now, not without help. and it made me so sick then….but I didn’t give in.

    I left for 3 days after my mother’s funeral, and when I got back everything that was her’s was gone from the house. There was no sign of her. I think somehow she knew something would happen…she gave me the two things of hers that I treasured before she died….and I was asked about them and told some else wanted them. No…. I never gave them up. and I never will. Just little things, but they mean the world to me.

    The greatest things I have are my memories.
    The care giving was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and I wouldn’t change it for anything.

    At the funeral someone told me they didn’t believe I would ever do something like that.
    I was appalled. I asked…How could I not? and What kind of person do you think I am?
    She just looked at me. She was my mother, how could I not take care of her. Oh yeah….she was much closer to my sister, and she didn’t.

    Now I worry about my husband being my caregiver. He doesn’t have to do everything for me, but sometimes he does. and he does a lot. I don’t want him to burn out. I don’t want him to feel overwhelmed. But there is no one to ask for help. My sister came to help after my hip replacement, but she was kinda useless.

    Sorry a long comment….I can’t say these things on my blog….maybe I could, but I’ve finally made peace with my family, so I can’t risk it….after 22 years.
    I’m glad you can talk about this.

    if you ever need to talk more and can’t voice it here….I’m here for you.
    xoxo

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