We teach people how to treat us…

It’s a well known phrase, “We teach others how to treat us.” So very true. If you allow others to treat you like you don’t matter, then of course they wll. We have to try to make sure we convey to people that we are worthy of respect. That we are valuable people. The very first time someone, whether a boyfriend, friend, girlfriend or family member treats you like you are “less than”, and you let it slide…well then it becomes easier and easier for them to do it and not feel bad about it.

I think sometimes we get “used” to being treated like we are not important. Maybe it starts with something as simple as not being thanked for something you did for someone, you let it go, and then the next time you do something nice for that person, they don’t feel a need to thank you…maybe they begin to expect it. Or maybe its allowing someone to call you stupid or dumb or ugly…even in jest, well it again becomes easier for them to do it in the future.

This is especially prevalent with young women. They tend to have self esteem issues sometimes, even when raised to try to prevent that, as women I think it is just a part of growing up in todays society. We start dating and are so happy to have a boyfriend, who at first treats us like we are the only girl on the planet…then slowly they begin to let little things slide…they don’t compliment us as often, they don’t take us out as often or buy us little things anymore. Date night becomes laying around the house in sweats watching tv. Sometimes it is even worse, we allow them to literally become verbally or even physically abusive.

This doesn’t happen to “uneducated” women. It can happen to very intelligent women. It happened to me. I have been in a very abusive relationship IN THE PAST, where he started out like Prince Charming and ended up like a very frightening monster. The evil look would appear in his eyes and I would literally be afraid for my life. But then he would apologize and act “nice” for awhile…then it would happen again and again and again.

Why would I allow someone to treat me that way? Why would I put up with it? I wasn’t ugly or stupid or needy…but I let it happen. Now I would never allow it. I’m stronger and have learned how to NOT be treated like some shabby old shoe. We become used to what we are used to.

I hope and pray that I have taught my kids and others how to expect to be treated well by others and to treat others well. I look around and see the way humans sometime treat other humans, and it really astonishes me. Don’t we all have feelings? Don’t we feel others pain? Or even just treating someone like they don’t exist..would we like that?

When we love people, we treat them like they are loved. No one is perfect and we all have bad days where we are bitchy or snarky…but when it becomes the norm to treat someone badly, then there is a problem, and one would hope the person being treated badly would note it and do something about it…but sometimes its such a slow process we don’t even realize it’s happening.

I just hope that everyone, young women, men, old women and men…make sure we do not allow others to treat us like we either don’t matter to them or that its okay to hurt us, in any way.

Let’s all just treat each other with some respect…what a concept.

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “We teach people how to treat us…

  1. wonderful post, little sister. it took many years of work and strength for me to stand up to family who just said I was “over sensitive” when in fact, they were INSENSITIVE. I’ve grown up and changed and I like the new me, but they don’t. I don’t care!!!! I feel strong inside and I know I am right. As long as you believe in yourself, it’s all good. They were used to me being a wimp, not so anymore. I agree with you 100 percent. My children were brought up with love and respect and ENCOURAGEMENT. I was always told that I would fail, my children were brought up to believe they could do anything if they tried. I miss you Tammy-Lou! love, Laurie-Lou

    • I’m glad you learned to stand up for you! You are a wonderful person and anyone who doesn’t get that obviously needs to look deeper at themselves! I think its life experience that teaches us and helps us learn how we do not want to be treated….I wish we all learned it younger, so we could skip all the pain and suffering!

  2. powerful words that hold so true. lack of self-esteem, believing what others tell you who you are, ignoring or not including you (as far back as childhood) definitely impacts the young adult you become.
    Perhaps the experiences of childhood get repressed including say a vicious cycle of abuse within the family unit. Lacking self-esteem, women can be worn down to think they are unless, unfit mothers, and other horrible assaults on the woman’s inner strengths til they believe this garbage. Afraid of the consequences of leaving, they stay as the parnter promised to reform, but it only happens for a while.Thank goodness for women’s shelters where healing and self-cofindence can be nutured.
    I think you have raised children who understand and embrace the concept of respecting people and not putting them down. You are an excellent parent and have taught your children though example and caring.
    The whole needs folks to respect each other, not view themselves as better, deserving of all the new electronic gadgets, expense clothes, trips/vacations, etc. Let’s hope the grandparents set in to teach real values, not give me cause I’m special and therefore deserve it pattern of parenting going on.
    You deserve respect; I hope you find it. You are an incredibly strong woman who has passed this strength, compassion, and respect for others to your kids. They will then pass it on to theirs.
    An excellent post with heart felt emotions and true words. May I borrow this post (with create of course) and post it on my blog?

    • Thank u so much Phy for reading and replying! And of course you can repost my blog on yours! I’m honoured! It’s a rough world we live in and seems to be getting worse, in that I see people being mistreated every single day..,numerous times! I know we has a people can do better than that. My childhood was rough, but I didn’t grow up thinking I could hurt others because of it. As for the typos…I am always guilty of them, partyly cuz my keys stick, partly just out of being in a hurry I guess! But again, thank you for reading! Hope you’re doin as well as us “chronics” can be!
      T

  3. a few typos as usual that can change the meaning of what I’m trying to say. My self-editor is on vacation at some resort in the caymen islands. “the whole should have the world after it, grandparents should step not set in, a the before give in which should be in quotation marks to; after deserve it.
    And, I really am serious about asking you to allow me the priviledge of sharing this elsewhere on my blog with credit not create!
    Take good care and the bracelet never comes off — another lucky charm!

  4. Reblogged this on Phylor's Blog and commented:
    This post by Spicy T is so eloquent, and spells out what is so wrong with the world — the lack of respect!
    As she writes in her conclusion: “Let’s all just treat each other with some respect . . . what a concept”
    And, I couldn’t agree more! Somewhere respect has been removed from the catalogue of human emotions. And if we can’t show respect to others, how can we show respect to our selves.
    Thanks so much, SpicyT, for writing this and granting me the priviledge to reblog it!

  5. Good post. This is a concept my mom taught me growing up. Although, there are some humans out there who refuse to be taught that they cannot hit others. Domestic abuse happens to people whether they let it or not. It wasn’t your fault and you didn’t let him treat you badly. You were the victim and he stole your power. Abusers groom the abusee long before the first blow occurs and when it does they will have convinced you that it is your fault.

    Please don’t blame yourself because that means you still believe the abuser’s lie that it is your fault. I felt stupid and ashamed that I let that person treat me like that when before I had such great self esteem. Blaming and just chewing up myself became another way the abuser still had power over my thoughts and me. I had to forgive myself and keep forgiving myself so I could move on and not attract another abuser. And get my self esteem back.

    Some people make it their life’s goal to destroy as many people they can. There are others who are more subtle and use our love for them against us. We think we can help them or fix them and they have no intention of changing. Yes, we should teach others how to treat us and then sometimes there are those who are determined to harm us who need to be cut off from the privilege of knowing us and having us in their lives. I wish my mother had taught me that but I painfully had to learn that life lesson on my own.

    • Trendai, thank u so very much for reading and responding. You are absolutely right, I shoudn’t blame myself the the abuse I recieved…keeps giving him the power. I take that power back this minute! I would never allow that to happen to me again. I’ve learned…unfortunately the hard way. But I hope I’ve taught my children, especially my daughter, to watch out for wolves in sheeps clothing, and she won’t have to learn the way I did. I’m with a wonderful man now who would never be abusive. I don’t know why some people are not happy unless they are making someone else miserable. Your words are all so true. Thank you again for taking the time! xoxo
      T

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s