Please treat me…

So, if you’re reading this you are probably well aware of my health condition and how I got it. In a sentence a doc poked a hole in my gut during surgery, didn’t notice, left me for dead…I’m now left with a belly full of strangulated and glued together innards that cause a type of pain that is intolerable.

I’ve been living or more like existing with this pain for years, seen doctors who can barely look me in the eye when they say, ‘I’m sorry, but there is really nothing we can do but try to control the pain.” Then they pat me on the shoulder or leg and walk away.

I am left feeling that the doctors around here are in some “boys club” where they all golf together and have a code where they stick up for each other, and won’t or can’t bring themselves to say or do anything with a patient who has been mistreated by another in their group.

Some of the docs I’ve seen have been fairly empathetic, and I felt that they wish there was a simple solution to my situation, but there isn’t. But there have been a couple of docs who treated me as if I had purposely done something horrible to THEM! This one came into my hospital room, and literally yelled at a lab guy who was there to draw blood, then proceeded to treat me as if I was a convict on trial for a crime against the medical establishment! His name is Charles Morrison…that was the first and last time I had ever seen him…I honestly got the impression he may have been a buddy of the butcher doc who did this to me years ago…Geoff Cly. Because he just looked at me with such annoyance. It was bizarre.

Yes I filed a medical malpractice lawsuit against the doctor that perforated my intestine, failed to recognize it, left me in ICU on a ventilator in a coma, to endure around 16 further abdominal surgeries over the next year…the trial didn’t occur for four years after the fact…the laws here in Indiana are completely ridiculous and very much protect the doctor, not the patient. At any rate, the jurors found in favor of the doctor…absurd of course, since he admits he did it, admits he didn’t check it out well enough to discover it, the medical records tell the whole story…but, when you sign the consent to treat form and you are told of “possible” mal-occurance…you are then screwed. Do not get me wrong. I know accidents happen and doctors are not perfect…my fight was just that if you make a mistake, especially a potentially deadly one, that you find that mistake and fix it within a certain period of time. But, Dr. Cly, being rich, had a slick lawyer…a team of em actually…and me, being poor….well, I had a small town guy who meant well, but just didn’t have the time or manpower to fight this claim I guess. The jury was not educated enough in all things medically related to even make a judgment. So, because I knew there was a danger of an organ being perforated during the surgery, I have no case. So, again I got butchered.


But, all that’s behind me now. All I want now is for some doctor to actually give a shit and try to figure out a way for me to have my life back! I cannot live this way, the pain is so debilitating I am in bed most of the time. Breathing hurts, laughing, coughing, sneezing and crying hurts like hell. Moving hurts, I can’t eat right (yes I’m chubby…I eat alot of mashed potatoes, puddings, ensure shakes…things easy to digest)…so the docs look at me like “looks like you can eat to me!” but I cannot digest most foods! I get blockages constantly. I can’t eat veggies, fruits, nuts, seeds, fiber. The pain is getting worse, so either the adhesions are growing thicker around my organs and ribs, therefore making things pull and strangulate, or the nerves that are entrapped are causing it, or parts of my colon are dieing or twisting, or there is something else going on in there. All I know is, the pain is getting worse, I’m bloating bad, I’m nauseated all the time, the pain feels like a hot poker stabbing me and tearing me apart. I understand I’m a complicated case due to all the surgerie I’ve had, making me high risk for surgical complications, perforations, death. But with all that we can do medically, I just can’t believe they can’t help with this abdominal mess that THEY caused!!!

I don’t expect miracles. I don’t want problems with anyone. I just want the pain to stop so I can get out of bed and live my life in peace. I want to be able to take care of my parents, my grandparents, my kids, my husband my animals…I want to be a useful member of society, I want to work in healthcare again. I’m 44 years old. I feel 84. I can barely make it thru the grocery store anymore. I’m at the point of placing an ad in the paper for some caring doctor to take pity on me and try to help me! You know that whole week I was in the hospital, none of the docs touched my big bloated belly with their hands. They just looked at me like I was Medusa and they didn’t want to get to close.

Oh, here’s what prompted me to blog today. So, there’s a surgeon here in town who come highly recommended. So I called today and said I would like an appointment. The lady started asking me questions, the normal name, birthdate, etc. There was a point in the conversation after I could tell she had my info in front of her on the computer, she says to me “What is is you expect Dr. Goldstein to do?” I was like “Well, I was just hoping he might be able to examine me and help me figure out why the pain i persisting and if anything other than swallowing morphine allday could be done for me.” She kept talking with the whole, well you’ve been seen by several good docs, I don’t know what Dr. G can offer you that they didn’t…I mean I was having to beg to get a damn appointment…at the end she says, “well, I can put you in for the 19th if you still want to be seen?” by now I was crying…I said at first “No, just forget it…..wait, no…I DO want to see him!” I wasn’t gonna let that bitch decide if I saw this doctor or not! But, I’m thinkin she maybe his nurse and she is probably right, he won’t offer me anything else. Even she said I need to go to “The Big Guns”…which pisses me off, why are there only “good” doctors in certain big cities? I mean Ft. Wayne is big…why do we have shit docs?

So I will go on the 19th, only to be looked at and treated the same way I have been for the past five years. They all just want me to go away. Quit reminding them that they can hurt people. I am a reminder to them that they are fallable, they make mitakes that affect people forever. Do they care? Do they have feelings? Doctors have distanced themselves from patients so much nowadays. We are charts. Not human beings. We are their next vacation, their next boat. I respect doctors, I respect the whole medical field, it’s hard work…they have human lives in their hands. I used to be a nurse,a few of my best friends are nurses. I just want answers. Can anything be done to stop this pain? Is it something that is literally going to kill me? Why is it happening? Should all my intestines be removed? Tube feedings? Ostomy? Try another mesh or spray shield? I feel none of them are taking the time to even try to find answers because it’s such a complicated case…they just wanna move on to the next easy case. That’s a fact and I know it. I need a doc who’s up to the challenge. Is there one? Maybe at the IU Med Ctr…I have a friend who had some of my issues go there and had success, Mayo? They have a big rep and talked nice to me on the phone atleast! Alot of adhesion patients go to Germany, but I can’t afford that.

Crap, it’s just hard living this way. I’m getting depressed for sure, and who the hell wouldn’t? Do they think I enjoy this? Going to docs, hospitals, tests, meds, bills that are taking us quickly down the road to bankruptcy? I mean seriously…wth?

I need a doc who still has empathy. Who still thinks he can make a diference. One who gives a shit. So, anyway…if anyone reads this, do me a favor and say some prayers, I know not everyone is religeous per say, but any kind of faith is good, pray to God, to Jesus, to Budda, hell, pray to a rock for all I care, but just say a little prayer that someone helps me with this problem!

I apologize for misspellings, my keys are sticking, the s is really hard to press…of course my laptop is gettin old and junky. My cell is too, so is Jessies and Jims…and it’s Christmas…being poor at this time of the year is especially a bummer…but it could be worse. We have a home. We have food. Most importantly we have each other.  I’m practically a burden somedays I’m sure, but I know my family loves me and still wants me to stick around…but I also know that they would love it if someone could solve my health problems so that I could be the full mother, wife, daughter, granddaughter…that I was meant to be. I know I’m on this planet to do more than I’ve been able to do so far. I want to help people, but with this body I can’t do much. I can’t even cook or do laundry alot of days…I know people complain “Oh, I gotta go do laundry, or cook or clean, blah” but I would love to be ABLE to go do those things…and I can’t because I literally have times when I can’t stand up strait…today has been a day of tears, doubled over…scared.

So come on…send me to a doc that WILL treat me….please?

Happy Holidays to all who celebrate…thank you for reading…



16 thoughts on “Please treat me…

  1. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, and treated to the best that the doctor knows how.
    I have one doc, a great orthopedist who specializes in hip problems. He’s wonderful, hit staff, Sucks the Big One! So perhaps this new doc just has a crappy staff. If my doc wasn’t so good, I’d find someone else, that’s how much I can’t stand his office staff!

    If you can in any way possible, I’d got to the Mayo Clinic, or something of that caliber. I thought abut it before I found my docs at Duke. The Mayo Clinic is known for fixing things no one else can.

    I’d like to say more, but I took some pain meds, and I’m getting a bit loopy.
    I do know what it’s like to not be able to get out of bed. Right now I’m having to go potty in a trash can or a barf bucket like they give you at the hospital, so I don’t have to lift my head. Every time I try the world spins and I want to barf. I can’t even tell which way is up!

    I’ve felt like a burden, very much so, but my husband tells me I just can’t see how I impact others. How I made him a better man (his words not mine)

    You are worthy. You are an inspiration to others. Keep searching, I’m sure there is a doctor somewhere who won’t just right you off. We just have to find him or her.

    good luck,
    I’m pulling for you!!

    • Thank you so much Wendy, I know you’re world is spinning right now, so I’m honored you took a moment to read my blog. I’m prayin your spinnin gets under control asap. I have considered Mayo, even talked to them via email and phone, they seemed really nice and interested, but I can’t figure out if my inurance is gonna cover going there…I know they will cover IU Med Ctr. My plan right now is to go ahead and keep my appt on the 19th with this surgeon here…who according to his nurse, I’m sure will be of no help, but my hubby wants me to see him anyway…then if thats no good I will get my records and go to IU….if I can’t go to Mayo…cuz that is where I really want to go is Mayo….But anyway, thank u for reading…sometimes I just blatther on and on….my blog is my journal, I do not filter what I say…it just is what it is. I have to spill my guts somewhere over this stuff or I for real would be locked up in a rubber room…which as of late, sounds like an ok place to go…you’re in my prayers! xo

      • I know I should probably know but what is IU?
        Insurance is a pain! If you get in touch with Mayo’s billing department they can probably tell you if your insurance will cover it. We always try to check with the hospital and our insurance agency, but sometimes, you just have to go.
        I know one friend who went to Mayo, and they didn’t bill her much at all, they were going to write papers on her and all that. she has a rare disease, and it took years to get diagnosed, and her symptoms are more complicated than most people with it…so they used her as a study, and she was able to go because of that.

        you don’t happen to have Blue Cross do you? I’m sure they will cover it. Stuart looked in to me going to Mayo once, and they said they’d cover it.

        I don’t censor my blog either…as you can probably tell when reading it. I put it all out there. If someone has this disease, I don’t want them to feel they have to hide what’s happening, and if they don’t have it, I want them to understand what is going on.

        You are right, I’m still spinning, but if I keep my head perfectly still, and stay lying down, I’m alright. I keep thinking, surely I can move, I feel so much better right now…then I move, and Whoosh!….there goes the world. Today has been the worst.

        I have your blog on my email feed, so it’s easier to keep up with, I’m glad I was able to read it.
        If you find someone at Duke who could help, you can always stay with me!
        My Meniere’s docs there have been the greatest. I didn’t have the best experience with the “world renowned” hip doctor. But he was a typical surgeon…if I can’t fix it completely by surgery, then I don’t want to talk to you. After 2 surgeries…one I’m sure I didn’t need…he called me and told me he could no longer help me, there was no need or a follow up appt. And that was all, cut off my pain meds, everything all at once. Very irresponsible. But I must say, over all, I’ve had a very good experience with Duke.

        I wish I had a GI doc there, so I could ask if they knew of someone who could help you. someone to give you some answers.

        People are always telling me I don’t “deserve” this…why they think I would think I did is beyond me…but if not me then who? However, we do deserve to be treated compassionately, professionally, responsibly, and as an equal. Yes…an equal! No I’m not a doctor, but I’m a person, and I’ll be I know a lot more about Art than my doctor’s do, but I don’t look down on them about it! We are all equals!
        What we do deserve are some answers! And if a doctor can’t give you those, they need to say so, and try to help you find another doctor who can.

        OK, off soap box. and I need to rest a bit.
        Today has not only been spinning, but very painful. (I swear I feel like I have the mumps on the left side!)

        I’m thinking of you. It just makes my stomach turn to think about how people can hurt others and not be held responsible. There is a special place in Hell for those people.

        Keep fighting and asking questions.
        You are an inspiration because you refuse to give up!


  2. Hi Tammy, I am so discussed to hear everything that you are still going through and am sorry that the nurse that you spoke with at Dr. G’s office was so abrasive with you, however, I’m afraid to say that she gave you the only advice that may help at this point. You’ve got to be seen by a doctor outside of Northern Indiana. They are A Boys Club, I know it, I’ve seen it, heard it and lived it.
    When we moved back to Indiana a yr and a half ago I found both of my parents in dire need of medical attention and have since lost my Mom. We laid her to rest in Glenwood Cemetary there in Roanoke actually.
    Being in that area has made me think of you many times. I know that we have never actually met, but If there is anyway that You can get an Appointment with some sort of specialist in Indianapolis they would likely be out of that circle of doctors and be more willing and understanding while seeing you. I’d be happy to make the trip with you to Indianapolis for moral support, I’m back and forth all of the time. My Dad has a lovely home there as well so if the trip is too much for you in one day we could always stay over a night to make you more comfortable.
    I just know that there has to be a Doctor somewhere that can help surely at least some of them actually went to Med School to HELP THEIR PATIENTS.
    You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.

    • Unfortunately Barb, I believe that is a fact. I have to try to go to another area to find a competent doc to help me, if I can be helped. I’m going to look into IU I guess…I can’t get a straight answer from insurance if they would cover going out of state to Mayo or not. But IU is in our network…thanks for reading, and I’m sorry I didn’t keep in better touch when you were moving back to the area. Sorry about your mother. We should meet for lunch sometime. You’re so kind to offer to go along with me…it makes me feel good to know there are such kind people in this world…its funny that the people I’ve met online seem to be more quick to offer help or guidance than people in “real” life. This whole situation has me frustrated beyond belief and I just can barely think enough to get thru each day…the pain has taken over my mind…just to get one thing accomplished in a day is huge for me right now, whether its a shower, dishes or folding clothes. It’s like a marathon that I’ve planned for weeks! But anyway, lets keep in touch! Thank you again sso much!

  3. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. I’m glad that my niece, the newly minted doctor, is on a 3 year research grant right now; she has absolutely no compassion; feels entitled; is opinionated and spoiled rotten; feels she is better than folks who aren’t in her socioeconomic realm. I hope she sticks with research. Originially, she wanted to be an OBGYN, then just deal with the baby end of things (but was perturbed when babies didn’t show up on time or on her schedule). Now, she is talking about fertility clinics. I’d rather she stayed a researcher though I wouldn’t want to be one of her co-workers. And, she JUST graduated from med school where supposedly now compassion, understanding, and good patient relations is taught.
    Tammy, you SO deserve to have a good, caring, compassionate, understanding, respectful doctor!!!!!!
    It’s not the person answering the phone’s place to make medical decisions! The woman at the doctor’s office had no right to be grilling you like that and then making assumptions and decisions. (I just went through this with the person I thought was supposed to help me with the paper work to get into a day program — instead she grilled me about my pain meds, accused me of using street drugs and additional meds wasn’t telling her about, and abusing my pain meds (that she didn’t understand squat was clear when one of the drugs she kept harping on my taking daily is for acid reflux!), said “you take too many drugs for our program,” and would have hung up without even giving me the name of somewhere else I might try until I pushed her! And, all this having a) a list of the drugs I take daily in front of her b) her facility having told the crisis counsellor in the ER the day before I WAS accepted into the program, c) refusing to call my doctor concerning the meds I take daily, and those I take when I really, really, really need to, and d) knowing that I had had a bad enough mental breakdown the day before that I went to an ER (and unless a dr. was listening in on the line, she was making a medical decision!
    I keep hoping that a mircle will come your way! If anyone deserves one, it’s certainly you!

    • Thanks for reading Phy. Yea, sounds like your neice needs to stay behind the scenes of medicine…some people just don’t have that empathy chip. Thank ou for being there for me, it means alot. To have friends who really know what this nightmare is like, helps give me strength. xo

  4. Tammy-Lou,
    I don’t know what it’s going to take or how you are going to do it but you NEED to go to the best doctor in the world for this….wherever it is. You are in pain all the time and that’s not fair. By the way, since we are friends, I wouldn’t discuss the proceedings of your ex-nasty dr. with the new doctors, they tend to stick up for each other. how about the Mayo clinic or the specialists you have found? There must be an organization that could help with the flights, etc. When my dad was alive he worked as a volunteer for people who were really sick and needed to fly. I think it was called Corporate Angels, maiybe there is something like it still. Please know you are in my heart and prayers, I want my little sis to be taken care of. Again, think big cities, Boston has GREAT hospitals, so does NY etc. Keep calling the Mayo clinic and ask if SOMETHING can be done, maybe involve your local government. But, PLEASE don’t give up, and further, keep the faith. love and hugs, Laurie

    • thank you Big Sis! Thanks for reading when i know you have alot goin on at home…thank goodness that you’re home thought! I am gonna get something figured out…our medical bills are rolling in from the September deal and it’s obscene…I have just been in a fog…not wanting to make more bills…but if I am going to continue living I guess I am gonna hafta make more bills, even if it means bankruptcy. I wish a medical genius could pop up and tell me exactly where to go! lol…I am researching so many medical places…it’s mind boggeling…how do you really know who is a good doc? cuz its not by these stupid online healthgrades and other dumb “grading” things…cuz I have looked and there are some awful docs who have good grades on there.
      Thank for giving me some ideas Big Sis! Luv u! xoxo

  5. Tammy, You have been through the ringer and back you poor thing. Mayo isn;t the only place with good doctors. Think about something closer…University of Chicago, University of Illinois, teaching hopitals really seem to know more and want to help…at least in my situation. Adhesions hurt, I have them, but do not suffer as you do.

    This bitch that you talked to on the phone….on a good day you could have told her to go to hell, but when you are sick you just can’t fight back.

    I once stayed with a doctor I didn’t care for because I loved his nurse. I left another doctor once because of his bitchy staff. Hopefully this doctor will be able to help you.
    I sure hope so.

  6. Hi Tammy,

    I just found your blog through Wendy’s blog, Picnicwithants. Like her, I have Meniere’s Disease, too. But not as bad – so far. I am so sorry you are going through this terrible experience with your gut. I don’t blame you one bit for your anger, it is 1000% justified. There are few things worse than severe intestinal problems and chronic pain.

    Have you heard of The Oley Foundation? If not, it is a non-profit organization that offers support to people on home enteral and parenteral nutrition. I know you know what I am talking about. 😉 Anyway, they have a patient forum and you might find some helpful suggestions or at least some support from others who can relate to what you are going through even if you’re not currently on nutrition support.

    I am a home infusion dietitian and work with people in similar situations as yours. I am no miracle worker, but if there’s anything I can ever help you with when it comes to nutrition and your messed up gut, shoot me an email. I’m happy to look stuff up or try to answer some of your questions.

    Nice meeting you, but am sorry it’s under these circumstances.


    PS Hi Wendy!

    • Oh my goodness. I can’t believe I didn’t think about hooking you too up.
      I swear my brain just does not work sometimes.

      T. Angelea is a great person, very smart, and a great friend. she has helped me in more ways than I can count, and I’m sure she doesn’t even know it.

      she may not know the answers to your questions, but she’ll give it her all.

      I hope you two can chat soon.

  7. Please, please read my Dear Dr. letter. I know how you feel – open letters – Dear Dr. You will find it so very true.

    The secretary just saw your file and saw loads of work and doesn’t want to deal. She isn’t a professional at all. If you DON”T LIKE this dr. there is no point in continuing with him. You NEED a dr. you can trust, otherwise it is more stress on you.

    I know how much you want it to end. I know how much you want it to stop and to be treated like a person and not a patient – but sadly, very, very few are trained that way anymore.

    This doesn’t mean you have to give up hope – or that you will find a pain free life. I know that I will and you will and we will all work together to change this system and get them to see us as people who should be allowed to live with out pain.

    Do not give up – and don’t let those turkeys get you down.

  8. Thank so much Wendy, Angela and Kathleen and Mo! Sorrry I didn’t reply sooner…I’ve just been so sick off n on…researching docs, goin to docs n hospitals, holidays…blah blah blah…I appreciate u all reading and responding! All ur suggestions….all were heard. I dont have my situation figured out just yet. Goin to see a cardiologist on Jan 10th due to chest pain/lung pain and shortness of breath…abnormal EKG. Not sure whats up there…then I’m gonna see if this general surgeon here in town will talk with me…if not…gonna call Indiana Univerity Med Ctr….where I may just take sweet Barb up on her offer at some point! such a kind offer for sure! Everyone who has read and offered advice, just know I appreciate it so very much! I love you all for caring and trying to help me. It means alot.

  9. T,
    If you ever want or need to come to Duke or UNC, you are welcome to stay with us.
    anything we can do to help!
    my husband is appalled at what happened to you. Not only in the hospital but in the court room!
    He thinks he’s not very sympathetic to anyone but me…but he is so very sympathetic, and gets so emotional about injustices. I wish he could see himself as other’s see him.

    hugs to you.
    good luck on the 10th. I’ll be thinking of you!

  10. I’m severely behind in following all my blog friends and am just getting to this now. Better late than never, right? 🙂

    I’m amazed that the doctor won the lawsuit (I come from a legal background, so I’m even more shocked), especially given that he admitted fault. Of course you signed a consent form – without it, you don’t get surgery. And of course you were aware of the risk of an organ perforation…HOWEVER…failing to recognize it and leaving you for dead is NOT what you consented to. That’s absolutely ridiculous … and disgusting. Ugh.

    I hope you can fine the treatment you so need and deserve. I hope you were still able to have a nice holiday despite all the pain…

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