Wow. I can absolutely not get a day off from pain. I usually gage my days as normal pain and bad pain days…But the past two days have completely slapped me in the face with another level of pain…one I have definitely experienced before, back in 2005 and 6 when my intestines were on the outside of my body….the pain there has been a constant one, varying with different movements, levels of breathing, foods I eat, etc. This pain, this PAIN…has me unable to move, breathe or eat.
My abdomen feels as if there is a wildfire burning thru my entire right side, with an occassional piercing knife jab here and there. It’s hurting me so badly just to lay here in bed with the computer on my lap. Not moving at all. Why? All I’ve eaten today is a potato and a yogurt. But I think it could be still from the Burritto I ate yesterday, I don’t know for sure though.
With all these adhesions and scar tissue, my intestines have strictures…so they are very narrow in spots, and perhaps glued almost together in areas. They are pasted to my liver for sure, and I believe thats where alot of the pain is coming from too…but who knows. I only know that I’m hurting…alot. I’m scared. Your intestine can perforate from the pressure when foods don’t go thru easily, mine moreso than others because of the issues, I am also at risk of “Toxic megacolon” due to all my problems and medications…where your colon becomes huge and poison seeps thru the intestinal wall into the bloodstream. Severe obstruction and ischemia are also included in this nightmare of possibilities.
I have no real options. My abdomen is “inoperable” the doctors have told me. Nothing they can do, as there is no abdominal wall and it’s just all “too messy” in there. So what? So I just suck it up? Just keep eating medications? This is ridiculous. If I had one of my other organs go bad they can put a new one in…and then I’d be up jogging like new…but because some butcher of a doc went in there and wreaked havoc…I have no recourse? No way of hoping for a normal life? Pretty much.
But I am now praying for a normal pain or even a bad pain day…cuz tonights PAIN is more than I can take. It’s really freaking me out and I’m hoping if I tell the nurses at tomorrows Pain Clinic visit can help me out…I dunno if they will order another scan or what…just had one not too terribly long ago…in fact just paid it off…God. What a mess. Back to praying I guess…hope someone is listening.