Whats ugly? I have never really been what I or anyone who was close enough not to be kicked would be called UGLY. I’m not gorgeous. Not ever Sport Illustrated material…certainly not Playboy material…but I guess I was around the cute arena…not beautiful…not ugly…maybe not exactly pretty…depends on who you ask I guess.

It’s hard being a female. We are judged so harshly on how we look. We can be dumb as a rock, but if our hair is long, lush and blond and our boobs are taut and full and bellies flat….we are HOTTIES!  In my “hay day” I know I was a cutie….never Pamela Anderson of course…more of a I dunno…quiet and less punk Pink. I always felt ugly or worse…invisible as I do now. But looking back I think…I was pretty! I was well built! I was smart! I was caring! I was funny! I LOVED.

So what was WRONG with me? I was cheated on. Physically abused. Emotionally abused. Tossed aside for the newer model…so what was wrong with me? For years I decided it WAS me. I was ugly or fat or bitchy…I’m no at the age where I get it…it wasn’t me. It was HIM> HE had issues.  I don’t know how God expects us all to mate up and live happily ever after, when men have some defefctive wire in them telling them to go procreate with as many skanks as they can get to grovel around them….I mean, if I were male…I could see the appeal.

This whole Charlie Sheen fiasco is case in point. What a sick demented and tortured soul this guy is…sure , looks good from his perspective I stars, and strippers as his Goddessess…all the coke u can snort, money to burn, boats to chill on, islands to buy…but he is NOT happy. He is miserable…he is slowly killing himself.  Is is self esteem? self respect? ego?

I dunno. I’m just saying that I know as  a woman, I have felt and been MADE to feel as if I am not pretty enough…for whatever reason…and I am now middle aged..disabled…chubby…ill…and yet…I now KNOW I am beautiful, and no one can take that from me. All my young life I felt ugly…when I truly was a very pretty girl…I never got to enjoy that…ever.  Now I’m on that fast stretch headed to the bigh five oh….I’m gonna enjoy the looks I have left…and if you don’t like em…turn away…grab a playboy or SI….cuz this is what a real woman is…and if you need more….good luck to you trying to either look good enough or get rich enough to get better!


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