I know this was stupid. I don’t care. I’m not embarrassed…for one, no one reads me, for two…i just don’t care…maybe someone else feels wide awake and nutz at dawn and finds this! You are not alone! lol…Guess I will read…some more…I just want  a sense of peace. I think I’ve been searching for peace since I was born…I was born into chaos and that never stopped. Ever. I didn’t raise my kids in chaos…atleast not mostly…so I pray they don’t deal with this crap. Atleast not to this extent. I love those two kids more than words can convey, and I worry about their lives so much…but I’ve got to quit. Gotta quit worrying myself sick over their lives. At 22 and almost 17 they are doing ok…not great, but okay…they will muddle thru life like we all do. I thought I could save them from making mistakes I made, lead them down the easy road…but I can’t…kids don’t want that.They want to fumble and figure it out on their own without my bigmouth spewing the right way to do things.  Even though I do know the easier ways or the better ways….they gotta do it themselves. That’s hard for me to do. I’m a very handson mom…always there for everything. Mommy will fix it. Maybe it did them more harm than good…I do’n’t know.  They are great kids. Funny kids. Loving kids. They will make it. I love them so much. I want so much for them.

Rambling. Yep. I’m rambling. Well, why not? I can’t sleep…..I’m typing…may as well ramble…about sleep now….why can’t I sleep? Tell me. I am about to take 2 ambien I swear.Good thing I don’t gotta get up for church…I been wantin to find a church…but no way can I do Sunday morning services…no flipping way. I need church that is like Sundy night or Wednesday night…then I would love it….otherwise, I will keep my relationship with God between He and I…we chat all day long, and I write him letters he surely loves…lol

Ok…done with the psychoramblings of a sleep deprived woman. Someone send me a voo doochant that will work on me to sleep! plz. xoxo


12 thoughts on “sleep

  1. Tammy, you know I read everything you write. But I am worried about you not getting any sleep. I don’t think u are supposed to take two ambien at the same time. I need a lot of sleep but i also take medication supervised by a for our kids, I have an 18 year old and a 16 year old and they do go their own way, no matter what we say. we did it ourselves, they need to find their own way and be independent.they will struggle, yes, but they need to find out who they are by themselves. there’s only so much us moms can do.

  2. Hi sweetie! I read you too!! When you get sleep deprived it gets you crazy but don’t take two ambien. Our kids (mine is now 30 omg…..) will go their own way and all you can do is pray that what you’ve taught them will follow them!

    Take care and that elusive peace will come.


    • thanks rosemary! u are exactly right…just gotta have faith that what i have instilled in my kids will lead them thru a good life! I continue to pray…alot! Being sleep deprived is making me a dang zombie…but I’m still up…woo hoo! thanks for reading! xoxo

  3. Hate to suggest another med, and this one might not work for your sleep issues but I take 1 mg of generic Xanax and that lets me sleep either for four or five hours without waking up, or if I do wake up, I don’t remember.
    I’ve pulled the all nighters, too. Not good to go for too long without sleep, and I believe you when you say it’s alluding you.
    From what you’ve shared about your kids, they seem great! And Handson Mom is fine if it’s your style.
    PS: I always read your blog. I signed up for email notification, so I know when you’ve spoken your mind.
    I’m sending you some virtual pixie-dust. Sprinkle it on your pillow; close your eyes, visualize a comforting, comfortable, quiet, peaceful space/place; let this special place soothe you — let the pain go with each exhale and breathe in calmness and sleep; let the pixie-dust work it’s magic. You are drifting off to a calm, less-pain space; the space where sleep awaits you.
    (PS: let me know if the virtual pixie-dust works: I’d prefer that over Xanax anyday!

    • phylor…i’m sorry it took me forever to respond…i have totally been neglecting my blog. i am still suffering with insomnia. tried it all. xanax included…pixie dust didn’t help by the way, but the thought and attempt was much appreciated! lol…ambien, lunesta, xanax, melatonin, morphine, robaxin, neurontin…warm milk, wine, visualization, aroma therapy, relaxing sounds….i just cant get restful sleep…and its killing me! Just keep pushing myself to function as a half person…less than half even…blech. But thank you so much for reading my blog! as you know I admire your writing so its cool to have u read me! lol xoxoxo

  4. Well, I’ve been awake since 4am. I hate it. It ruins my day. I’m so depressed though. I take meds but they don’t make me sleep. Most people would be knocked out for days but not me. It sucks being awake when everyone else is sleeping, although I must admit, that when my son is here and he has been for a few days, which is kind of sad because he has so many symptoms he really isn’t able to do much and I’m the only person in the world here for him so I tend to put him first –my point was that these wee hours of the morning are the only time I have privacy. Maybe my brain knows that and wakes me up.

    I can’t think of anything substantial to say, so I’ll sign off.

    I do wish you peace and some good sleep. Thanks for sharing!

    • thanks for reading and responding! another sympathizer! i can’t believe how many of us are up all dang night just praying for sleep! its crazy! it would be fine if i could actually get sleep during the day…but noooo, cuz the rest of the world is functioning during the day…so they expect you to be also. blah. thanks again for reading! xox

    • thanks regan…that is one thing i havent tried…valerian root capsules…cuz i have tried alot of stuff…homeopathic included….so thanks for the suggestion and for reading! cuz I sure do love your blog! xox

  5. We are in the same place…”The I don’t want my kids to be grown up” place. My baby turned 23 today and I’m having a hard time with it. I, like you wonder if I was too hard on them…or too easy. They are both grown men (My oldest turned 25 last month) and wonderful examples of good citizens, caring, loving, compassionate, all that good stuff. I worry and ramble too much also.

    As far as sleep, it is 1234 am, (don’t you just love it when numbers line up like that on a clock?) and I am still wide awake with my Hubby snoring happily next to me. I will be taking my Lunesta soon and hoping it works. If not I’ll play Scrabble all night on the laptop.


    p.s. I read you all the time.

    • thank u for reading maureen! i do appreciate it when I know someone is reading! lol….I haven’t written anything new for a bit…gonna get back into it though. This insomnia is driving me insane…its after 2 am now….wide awake after taking ambien and xanax plus my pain meds. my dogs all around me snoring peacefully as yours. I need to try what Regan suggested the valerian root…I have tried Melatonin, Chamomille tea, warm milk…wine….lol. Nothing helps….visualization…ocean or rain sounds…ear plugs, eye covers, lights on or off, tv, no tv, fans, no fans…you name it. I’m so tired…I just don’t get it. My eyes literally ache for sleep. Oh well, I just wanted to say thanks for reading and sympathizing! I haven’t responded to some of my other commenters in awhile…I have totally been neglecting my blog… not even checking in…that is a BAD blogger! lol

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