I know this was stupid. I don’t care. I’m not embarrassed…for one, no one reads me, for two…i just don’t care…maybe someone else feels wide awake and nutz at dawn and finds this! You are not alone! lol…Guess I will read…some more…I just want a sense of peace. I think I’ve been searching for peace since I was born…I was born into chaos and that never stopped. Ever. I didn’t raise my kids in chaos…atleast not mostly…so I pray they don’t deal with this crap. Atleast not to this extent. I love those two kids more than words can convey, and I worry about their lives so much…but I’ve got to quit. Gotta quit worrying myself sick over their lives. At 22 and almost 17 they are doing ok…not great, but okay…they will muddle thru life like we all do. I thought I could save them from making mistakes I made, lead them down the easy road…but I can’t…kids don’t want that.They want to fumble and figure it out on their own without my bigmouth spewing the right way to do things. Even though I do know the easier ways or the better ways….they gotta do it themselves. That’s hard for me to do. I’m a very handson mom…always there for everything. Mommy will fix it. Maybe it did them more harm than good…I do’n’t know. They are great kids. Funny kids. Loving kids. They will make it. I love them so much. I want so much for them.
Rambling. Yep. I’m rambling. Well, why not? I can’t sleep…..I’m typing…may as well ramble…about sleep now….why can’t I sleep? Tell me. I am about to take 2 ambien I swear.Good thing I don’t gotta get up for church…I been wantin to find a church…but no way can I do Sunday morning services…no flipping way. I need church that is like Sundy night or Wednesday night…then I would love it….otherwise, I will keep my relationship with God between He and I…we chat all day long, and I write him letters he surely loves…lol
Ok…done with the psychoramblings of a sleep deprived woman. Someone send me a voo doochant that will work on me to sleep! plz. xoxo