3 more poems:


They wonder why you can’t just forget it

Put it behind you and quit

Quit talking about the surgery that went wrong

Get on with life and let bygones be gone

But I can’t forget about it you see

Because it crippled me permanently

I’m sorry if my pain bores or annoys you

But I awaken with it each day anew

The pain that cuts like a knife

Won’t let me forget or get on with life

To you it happened so long ago

For me, it never stopped, don’t you know?

With every deep breath I take

I’m reminded of his surgical mistake

So while your world has gone on to flourish

Mine stopped rotating and became malnourished

I am doing some forgetting though

Forgetting who I was before I was butchered so

Can you ever forget a loved one whose died?

That’s how it feels to me

Like some horrible death ride

Like I died that day so long ago

Why can’t I forget?

I don’t know.


Look at my face, what do you see?

The mask I must wear to look like who you want me to be

The mask makes me look like a normal person

When in fact, it’s merely a diversion

For I’m no longer normal I’m afraid

Since that cold November day

Because on that day the doc changed me forever

And most definitely not for the better

Not only did he dismember my body for good

He also scarred my mind and made me feel misunderstood

Because try as I might to smile and forget

The pain rips thru my cemented insides and says “OH NO, NOT YET!”

Neither my body nor my mind will ever be the same

And that doctors mistake is to blame

He is the reason the face you see isn’t Tammy Loraine

But the mask to hide the excrutiating pain

The mask with a smile and I can do it attitude is what people may see

But when the mask slips, that’s when they see me

The face that’s all twisted in agony and pain

Tears streaming down like a torrential rain

But eventually the mask is carefully placed back on

Then to others the pain appears to be gone

Underneath the mask, I’m still here, trying to be strong and brave

Yet somedays fantasizing about going to my grave

Where the mask won’t be needed or wore

Because I would be crying no more

But, until then, for almost every task

Tammy Loraine will be wearing the mask




First do no harm, Is that the pledge you took?

Just some silly words out of a book

Because you did much more than harm

The day you butchered me like a pig on a farm

Do you even think of it while you live your charmed life?

The fact that I can’t even function as a normal wife?

I’m sure you feel you did nothing wrong

Meanwhile my life’s playing out like a bad country song

Signed consent, that’s your excuse

That’s what you say to avoid the noose

Was it a known complication?

Or just you hurrying for vacation?

It would be one thing if I was repaired and fine

But I never will be….so now what do I sign?

The end!

Just 3 I wrote up at work last night on break…they maybe kinda rough…lol….but I’m still enjoying writing them!


5 thoughts on “3 more poems:

  1. OMG. Those were GREAT. You truly make it real, Tammy, for the rest of us to see and feel what you deal with every day. Your words are so powerful. The emotion and the devastation are evident in these poems. They are a wonderful outlet for you, but they are also a glimpse into the world of chronic pain for others to see & feel. Exceptionally good writing, my friend!

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