They wonder why you can’t just forget it
Put it behind you and quit
Quit talking about the surgery that went wrong
Get on with life and let bygones be gone
But I can’t forget about it you see
Because it crippled me permanently
I’m sorry if my pain bores or annoys you
But I awaken with it each day anew
The pain that cuts like a knife
Won’t let me forget or get on with life
To you it happened so long ago
For me, it never stopped, don’t you know?
With every deep breath I take
I’m reminded of his surgical mistake
So while your world has gone on to flourish
Mine stopped rotating and became malnourished
I am doing some forgetting though
Forgetting who I was before I was butchered so
Can you ever forget a loved one whose died?
That’s how it feels to me
Like some horrible death ride
Like I died that day so long ago
Why can’t I forget?
I don’t know.
Look at my face, what do you see?
The mask I must wear to look like who you want me to be
The mask makes me look like a normal person
When in fact, it’s merely a diversion
For I’m no longer normal I’m afraid
Since that cold November day
Because on that day the doc changed me forever
And most definitely not for the better
Not only did he dismember my body for good
He also scarred my mind and made me feel misunderstood
Because try as I might to smile and forget
The pain rips thru my cemented insides and says “OH NO, NOT YET!”
Neither my body nor my mind will ever be the same
And that doctors mistake is to blame
He is the reason the face you see isn’t Tammy Loraine
But the mask to hide the excrutiating pain
The mask with a smile and I can do it attitude is what people may see
But when the mask slips, that’s when they see me
The face that’s all twisted in agony and pain
Tears streaming down like a torrential rain
But eventually the mask is carefully placed back on
Then to others the pain appears to be gone
Underneath the mask, I’m still here, trying to be strong and brave
Yet somedays fantasizing about going to my grave
Where the mask won’t be needed or wore
Because I would be crying no more
But, until then, for almost every task
Tammy Loraine will be wearing the mask
1st DO NO HARM:
First do no harm, Is that the pledge you took?
Just some silly words out of a book
Because you did much more than harm
The day you butchered me like a pig on a farm
Do you even think of it while you live your charmed life?
The fact that I can’t even function as a normal wife?
I’m sure you feel you did nothing wrong
Meanwhile my life’s playing out like a bad country song
Signed consent, that’s your excuse
That’s what you say to avoid the noose
Was it a known complication?
Or just you hurrying for vacation?
It would be one thing if I was repaired and fine
But I never will be….so now what do I sign?
Just 3 I wrote up at work last night on break…they maybe kinda rough…lol….but I’m still enjoying writing them!