Archive | June 2010

bleeding poems

I am sad

I am mad

I am confused

I feel abused

I am tired

No longer admired

Feel like running away

Knowing I must stay

Feeling I may just melt

Trying to live this life I’ve been dealt

Thank you for reading my blog.  I so appreciate all the messages and comments I receive from new and old friends.  There is alot I still need to learn about blogging and writing….so thanks for coming along on my education!

I am wishing for peace.  For everyone.  There is so much cruelty in the world.  Always has been, and I spose always will be.  Kids are starting out being cruel at younger and younger ages.  It saddens me.  The older I get, the more the meaness in the world disturbs me. 

Time for bed…I pray I can sleep….pray along with me!?! xoxo

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My nod to some of my fave blogs:

Last week a great friend of mine gave me a wonderful “gift” in an award called “One Lovely Blog.” Now I’m gonna do my part and try to give kudos some bloggers who I read and love….and of course my #1 person I would give it to is the terrific lady who gave it to me!  But I guess that would not be the way to go, since she already has one!  But her blog is my most favorite one to read…just putting that on the record!  That is http://gracefulagony.wordpress.com/

So, the following 15 blogs are one’s that I have really enjoyed reading for one reason or another.  Most are health related, but not all.

1.)365 Days of Gratitude

2.)Chronic Illness Pain Daily Devotionals

3.)Endometriosis: the silent life sentence

4.)Fibromyalgia Blog

5.)Hibernationnow\’s Blog

6.)Little Girl With a Big Pen

7.)my foggy brain

8.)Thomas John Brown\’s Daily

9.)Mothering of 5

10.)Oh my Aches and Pains

11.)Deanna\’s Blog, The Life of a Working Writer Mommy

12.)Dogkisses\’s Blog

13.)Lila Lost in the Fibro Fog…..

14.)http://mycfslife.wordpress.com/

15.)http://marianchild.wordpress.com/2010/06/12/breathe/

So, those are 15 I read or have read and liked.  I hope I didn’t repeat many if any that Jolene nominated…if I did…I am sorry!  I’m new to blogging and don’t have a huge list to choose from….I plan on changing that though.

So…I want to take a second and once again thank Jolene for giving me my award!  Meant alot to me!  Love that girl! 😉

I will hopefully have a new entry up by the end of the week…not feeling too peachy right now…overdid it this weekend I believe!

Love to all!

Alone in pain

I’m here. Alone in pain

In the fetal position

The tears wax and wane

I cry out to God, why me?

I hear no answer

For no answer can there be

I am just one born to suffer

There are others too

Some have it even rougher

This pain  has taken my soul

Although I’m still here physically

I am no longer whole

I’m alone in pain

My second attempt at poetry to vent my pain.  Bad I know.  I’m growing! It’s another unusually bad night of pain for me…and I wanted to enjoy our weekend to Indiana Beach…but its not meant to be I guess…I’ll grit my teeth and fake it though.

Honored!

An honor from my very good friend Jolene!

 

Today started off bad.  I didn’t sleep well AGAIN last night.  Barely at all really.  I’m battling yet ANOTHER bladder infection, even though I’ve been very careful about being sterile while cathing.  I feel like death.  My eyes just burn and ache, my head feels foggy, I am soooo nauseated, my bladder hurts, I can barely go to the bathroom…without using the cath that is.  I just feel so fatigued and just …. BLAH again.

I went to see the urologist…he was happy that my residual was down…so I can stop cathing for awhile and see if my bladder can do what it’s supposed to do.  In the mean time he put me on a different antibiotic to see if it would clear up the infection…waiting on the culture to come back.

After that I had to go do some shopping for our upcoming weekend … the whole family is going to Indiana Beach for the weekend!  I should be thrilled, but feeling like I do….I can’t muster up much enthusiasm.  I will just do everything I can do to make sure EVERYONE else will have a good time…so I went and got all the food, lots of junk-food with some fruit and veggies thrown in here and there…lol, lots of water, flavored and otherwise…and all the paper-products and toiletries we will need.  While in the store I honestly thought I was gonna have to leave…I was in so much pain from the adhesions…they were ripping me apart…then throw in the bladder issues and then a wave a nausea that about made me pass out.  But I took some deep breaths and steadied myself and pressed on.  Sounds like I’m climbing Mt. Everest doesn’t it?  That’s pathetic…but sometimes something as simple as grocery shopping feels like climbing Mt. Everest!  People with chronic illnesses/pain struggle so much just to do ordinary things!

Anyway, got it all home and thank God for my baby Jess…she brought everything in and put it away…she helps me out so much…I’m very grateful for her.  Then I came in and got into my jammies, grabbed me some tea, sat on my bed and opened my laptop…and got such a wonderul suprise!

A very special friend of mine had left me this most wonderful message, that she had honored me with “A Most Lovely Blog” award…as she had also been honored by another blogger!  Jolene is a wonderful and inspiring writer!  She has so much empathy for others in pain, and struggles daily with her own.  She brings inspiration and hope to so many with her supportive words.  She has made me smile through tears on more than one occassion.  Her blog is wonderful and whether you are a chronic pain/illness survivor or not, you would really enjoy reading it!  http://gracefulagony.wordpress.com/

I will now start giving thought as to who I can pass on this honor too!  There are so many wonderful bloggers out there who inspire me!  Or make me laugh on days when I feel more like crying!  I’ll be working on choosing them over the next few days…in the mean time…let me just again tell Jolene just how much I admire her…aspire to be like her…feel blessed to have found her…and truly do feel like I’ve been reconnected with my long lost sister!  Thanks Jolene!  You made what was just another crappy day…into a special one!

PAY IT FORWARD!

Really?

Just wondering if I am crazy….or is the world just going crazy?  Just read an article about a local baby being seriously injured because his father had him riding in an ATV….not buckled in of course.  Also another where a 5 year old was injured riding a dirt bike…and last week a three year old drowned in a lake…REALLY????  What on earth is going on in parents heads?  Watch your children people!  They can’t make intelligent decisions where there safety is concerned.  YOU have to protect them from dangerous situations!  Seems like people think once a child can stand up, he or she is an adult.  Children’s brains are not fully developed until their early twenties!  They do not know what danger is.  WATCH them!  Put them in seat belts!  Make them wear life vests!  Do NOT let them operate heavy machinery!

Maybe it is me.  I know that I am over protective…but in my opinion I would rather be that than so under protective that my child is injured or killed.  I’m one of those people who believes that children and animals cannot advocate for themselves and we adults need to be there for them and keep them safe.  So shoot me.

I actually hate Summer.  Summer is when all the injuries/deaths go up for children and animals.  Children drowning, hit by cars, bike accidents, fireworks….dogs left chained outside in the heat with no water or food…more domestic fights where children get hurt…They have done studies showing that the heat makes people more aggressive and angry…I believe it.

Children are so innocent….they deserve to be taken care of by responsible and loving parents.  They don’t understand that they are not safe to jump in a pool or try to drive a car or a motorcycle for God’s sake!  They are to be protected and made to feel safe and secure at all times.  To feel loved cared for.  These stories make me sick at my stomach just thinking about all these neglected children…and that’s what it is….NEGLECT.

Children that are being abused, emotionally, sexually or physically…need protection.  There are too many morons out there raising children!  Either teens having kids or just immature, irresponsible women having kids…it’s not fair to these babies who are being abused.  They are so loving and innocent and need to be loved back in return.  They depend on the adults in their world to watch over them.  To care for them.  To protect them from all harm…including verbal harm.

Animals also need advocates.  Too many idiots out there who neglect their pets, or worse…those who hurt animals for fun!  What sick mind finds the abuse of an innocent animal fun?  The same sick bastards who are okay with hurting children I guess.  I am sick of it all.  It is just disgusting.  I try to stay away from the news cuz Idon’t wanna hear it…but it’s all around…you can’t avoid it.

I let this stuff really get to me.  I can’t help it.  I am too sympathetic or emotional I guess.  But I would think that crap would get to anyone with a heart…or common sense!

I guess that’s my rant for today…I am just losing hope for the human race I think.  So much ignorance.

“Kindness is more important than wisdom.  The recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.”  Theodore Isaac Rubin, MD