It’s one of those “bad days” for me. Sitting here at midnite…crying. Having my own personal pity party. Doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I go all out! Sick of damn pain. Sick of this freaking binder that cuts me in half. Sick of wishing I was like a normal person. Sick of wishing I could do all I want to do and accomplish everything I would if I wasn’t encased in a piece of crap body.
Have strep throat…and a headcold. No big deal. Just when you combine it with my adhesions/scar tissue, intestinal issues, DDD, Osteoarthritis, Fibro, APS, Lupus and whatever other illness ya wanna throw on my plate, it feels like just a tad too much. Then add to all that worrying about every person I love, to an excessive extent…not being able to keep everyone safe and happy…and I think I’m on the fast track to insanity.
My guts hurt too damn much tonight…I can’t get my bedspread out of the washer. That makes me angry. But I know being angry at my situation doesn’t help anything…but it doesn’t stop it from happening…somedays. I am almost to the point where I will have to give up more solid type foods…it’s just not worth the tummy troubles…or the pain as it goes thru the scar tissue.
I wish I could blink and be healthy and normal, and that my family would all be healthy and safe forever. When you’re young, you don’t think about your health…you think you’re invincible…but you are sooo not! In the blink of an eye, you can be sick or disabled. I wish I could get kids and young people to learn that early…to try to eat well and exercise and sleep well and to learn good stress relieving techniques. They could live a very long and healthy, happy life!
That’s another thing…when you’re old…no one listens to you anyway! lol…
My throat is so swollen shut tonight I can’t speak…guess the family won’t mind that too much, eh? Can’t ask them to do a million things… 😉 The only one who loves me tonight is my puppy Daisy! She has been cuddled with me on the bed all evening, kissing my face and looking at me like I was the most amazing thing she has ever seen! That is why I love dogs so darn much! They always love you, they are always super excited to be with you and they really like to make you happy!
Add to the crappy night, there is nothing on tv. My head hurts too bad to read. I don’t even feel like doing this…but I wanted to get my crybaby crap outta my head so I can hopefully sleep tonight! On nights like this, when I am in so much physical pain…I often say to myself, “It couldn’t get much worse than this” … But in reality, oh yes it could…emotional pain is way worse than physical pain…and put them together and it’s almost insurmountable.
Well, gonna go blow my nose…drink some NyQuil…maybe some hot tea…then who knows what wonderful and exciting pain adventures I will be off to!
Thanks for being around!
Pray for strength and peace.