Here she was. In teen jail. With girls who were BAD. For real bad…like run away from home, sell drugs, kick your ass bad! The gurards made them strip and shower…with no privacy. Led them down some very plain and scary halls, the color of barf. They were led to the “dayroom” it was equally ugly and scary. Threadbare carpet, puke colored walls, dingy and ripped couches, an old tv and a pool table in the middle of the room. There were groups of girls just staring at them. ” This is it,” she thought to herself, “This is where I’m gonna die.” There were girls in there who had run away from home in New York…she wondered why anyone would run away to Indiana? These girls were not looking to make new friends. Thankfully she only had to spend a couple hours in the dayroom with these “hardened criminals.” It was time for bed. Atleast she had her own room. Cement walls. Toilet anchored to the wall. A stone cot with the thinnest mattress in existence. She didn’t sleep a wink of course. Her mom came to get her the next morning and the judge gave them probation, then expunged her record later.
Lesson learned…atleast to never steal. Now partying? That was a different story. The girl continued doing well gradewise in school, but she was left alone alot. She lived in an apartment complex and became friendly with a couple of guys who lived there, and their apartment was THE party place in the area. Parties every night just about. Older people than her mostly. But they treated her cool…she felt like a grown up with them. Little did she know, they didn’t care how old she was…not at all.
At one of these parties, they kept her supplied with plenty of alcoholic drinks…one after another. She trusted these guys…they were her friends! She was like their little sister! She learned…a little too late…not really. She passed out. When she woke up, someone was on top of her…she was being raped. She tried pushing him off, she cried out…it was dark but she could see who it was…she scratched him and he slapped her and called her names as he got up and told her to get out! She left, went home and showered. She didn’t even think about calling the police or even telling anyone. She knew it was her fault. Her fault for drinking and partying with them. She never told. Soon after she got her first REAL boyfriend. She was soo in love with Mark! He was extremely handsome, tall and funny too! They became inseparable. They would be together for the next four years. Those were good years…but they were young, and it just wasn’t meant to last.
After Mark, she met Jeff. He was four years older than her. He was 22, and experienced…and mature, or so she thought. He told her all kinds of stories, and she bought them. She was so hungry for affection, she just wanted to be loved. There were signs he wasn’t going to be good to her. But she didn’t pay attention to them. They married. He was abusive. It started out as just emotional abuse, but she didn’t think it was that bad. So, he called her names…big deal…right? Ok, so he slapped her once or twice…isn’t that how all relationships are? Next thing she knew she was pregnant. She was thrilled! A baby! Something all her own to love! And to love her! She was so excited about this baby! She quickly started scouring garage sales and stores for baby items! She was on a budget, but she made sure she would have everything perfect for her baby! The pregnancy went well, she and baby were healthy…Jeff continued the emotional abuse, left her a couple times, had affairs, but she continued to take him back. She just thought this was the way it was. After the baby was born, life went on. She loved her baby girl so much! She was perfect! The marriage continued on it’s path of destruction however. She did leave him once or twice…but always got conned into coming back. He would beg and plead with her to return. He would promise to never hit her, never yell at her and to never cheat on her again…but again and again, he did just that. Then she was pregnant again.
This pregnancy wasn’t as easy as the first. She couldn’t work through this one. Jeff continued his ways, but at this point she was only staying for the security of having a home for her babies. Once her second daughter was born…she knew she had to get out. She started to see the fear in the kids eyes…they were HER eyes as a child! She moved back home with her mother, until she could get on her feet. But would she ever?
to be continued
Try to find a little something each day to make it a holiday!