About an hour after her “prayer vigil” started, her grandmother arrived…with cake and gifts! She could always count on her “Mi Mi”, then soon some decorations were up and her friends were arriving! She was wearing her birthday dress brought by Mi Mi, it was a beautiful yellow frilly dress with white lace around the collar, she felt like a princess!
She got some really nice gifts! A new stuffed kitty, with really soft white fur, a little record player, some clothes and a baby doll that could crawl! The grown ups were sitting around outside, drinking what she always heard them call PBR’s. She didn’t know what these PBR’s were, but she knew that when they drank them…they became loud and usually ended up fighting. She was hoping they wouldn’t start acting stupid until her friends left. Things went pretty well, most of her friends left, except her best friend Sara. Sara was going to stay the night tonite for the first time! They only lived a few doors down.
Late that night after the girls were in bed, she heard it. The screaming. The banging. The crashes. “Oh no!” she thought…”Not tonight!” But, sure enough, they were doing it. Sara woke up, rubbed her eyes and said “What’s that noise?” The little girl said “The tv?” Hoping she could fool her friend. Just then another huge crash and a picture on her wall came falling to the floor! Sara began to cry “I’m scared! I wanna go home!” The little girl was so embarrassed. She knew she couldn’t go out there and tell her parents that Sara wanted to go home! That would cause even more problems! She tried to comfort Sara. They covered their ears, closed their eyes tight and snuggled deep under the covers, she put her arms around Sara…and comforted her til they both were asleep again.
That was the last time Sara was allowed to stay the night at the little girls house. She had told her mommy what went on and that she was afraid of the little girls house, and especially of her daddy. The little girl learned to not have friends over very often, or to only do it on the days that things were “quiet” at home. Thru the years the fighting occurred regularly. The little girl had a baby sister during this time also. She now had to not only protect herself, but to also protect her little sister. As they got older, the two girls would hide under beds or in closets when the adults were “at it.” They were frequently slapped and called names by their father, their mother received much worse, at times right in front of their eyes.
The little girl would go to school and she did very well! She got strait A’s most of the time. She loved the praise heaped on her by the teachers, it made her feel special! Sometimes she was sick alot, and one particular teacher noticed this, and took her aside and asked her if things were okay at home. The little girl said yes, knowing she didn’t want to get into any trouble. The teacher suspected things weren’t quite right at the little girls home though, and called the parents and actually went to the little girls house! She couldn’t believe it! Right there in her own kitchen was her teacher! Talking to her mommy! She was so nervous, she chewed her fingernails until they were bleeding. Chewing of the nails would be a nervous habit she would carry well into adulthood.
After the teacher left, the mommy asked her what she had been telling people at school? The little girl assured her mommy that she hadn’t been telling people anything! She went to her room…nervously awaiting the arrival home of her daddy. But soon it was late and time for bed, and he hadn’t come home…she hated to admit it, but she was very relieved! Her sissy came and crawled into bed with her and they went to sleep. Hours later they were awakened by loud noises, and they braced themselves for this newest “storm.”
As the girl grew, she had another embarrassing secret to keep. She wet the bed on a regular basis. It was so humiliating! Her mom would yell at her and make her wash her own sheets. The dad would call her “Piss Pants.” The worst part was, she couldn’t really go stay the night at friends houses, because what would she do if she peed the bed there? It was such a scary thought, she just avoided going for slumber partys. Then in the fifth grade she decided she would go to a sleepover…all her friends were going…it was going to be an awesome party! That night when it was time for bed, she made sure to go to the bathroom before going to sleep, and she refused the offer to sleep in the bed with the birthday girl…just in case…when she awoke the next morning in her red sleeping bag, she knew before her eyes even opened that she had infact peed. She was mortified! The other girls were asleep, so she quiety got up and went to the bathroom and changed into dry clothes, folded the wet ones up in her sleeping bag, which was soaked, and set it off in a corner by the door. She felt the floor, it too was wet! The girls were still sleeping, so she went into the kitchen and got a glass of water, but filled it with just a tiny amount of water, then she went back to the wet spot on the floor and laid the large glass on its side…thinking she could tell them she had spilled it. This is the story she gave them, they bought it…she was so relieved!
However, the next week at school, it was spread all around how she had peed allover herself at the party. Everyone made fun of her. She denied it all of course, but her feelings were so hurt, she ran home and cried. When her dad found out, he told her she needed a whipping for being a pee pants and for being a liar…and even though she begged and promised to never pee or lie again, he got a switch and gave her three whacks across her bottom and lower back. She screamed bloody murder, until she saw her sissy staring at her, beginning to cry herself…so the little girl stopped crying and told her sis everything was okay, then whe went to her room, sat in her favorite pink beanbag chair and began writing in her new diary. This diary would become her best friend over the years…the place she could tell all her secrets, all her fears, all her dreams…it was her “private” place, to get out all her feelings…or was it?
To be continued
“Let Go and Let God”
Thank you to everyone who is reading my blogs! I really appreciate you taking the time to do so! I know sometimes my spelling and or grammar may not always be perfect and I aplogize for that! I tried using spellcheck…but it doesn’t like slang and I like to use slang more than I like checking for errors! lol