Nature vs. Nurture:

Have you ever known a family with two or more children, where maybe one of the kids are a strait A student, a “pleaser”, very shy, honest…just seemingly “The Perfect Child.”  Then have one of his siblings be flunking out of school, loud and obnoxious, a very talented manipulative liar, just seemingly “The Bad Child?” 

I have read books and articles regarding how it’s the parents fault how their children grow up.  They blame the parents if they have a child who is just a nasty little brat.  They say it’s the way the child was brought up…his environment that made him that way. 

But then, how do you explain having children from the very same family turning out so very differently?  Doesn’t it seem then, that we are born sort of “hardwired” as to how we will be?  Born to have a lower intellect?  Born to be loud?  Born to be smart?  Born to be liars?  Born to be devious and manipulative?

Of course your environment has to have SOME impact.  But I just hate it when people say, “Well, if you’ve seen that kids family, you’d understand.”  Or similar negative things, generally blaming the parents for how the kid is behaving.  I have seen parents who do “everything right” according to anyone looking in.  They have loved and cared for a child, read to the child since birth or before, taught them manners, sent them to pre-school, educated them, played with them, kept them safe, gave them everything they needed and wanted (not spoiling).  And yet, this child fails at school, is anti social, lies, steals, cheats, starts to drink or do drugs, etc.

On the other side of the spectrum, I have seen parents who took absolutely NO interest in their children, barely keep them alive, show very little love, don’t bother with them basically…and yet this child will be extremely intelligent, polite, social, loving, law abiding, and moral.

This has always interested me.  Some parents sometimes want to pat themselves on the back because their children have turned out very well…they have pushed their kids to excel in everything, pushed them to the point their kids feel so much pressure they get ulcers or worse…Or they pat themselves on the back and in reality they had zero to do with how their kids turned out…

There are lots of studies on this very topic, and they are very interesting to read…to me anyway.  I know of kids who have been pushed really really hard to be “The Best” and they are, but they don’t have much of a “loving” relationship with their parents or they resent them for not letting them have much of a childhood.  Maybe there are kids who weren’t pushed who when grown look back and wish they had been.

Myself I guess there must be a happy medium.  There is both nature and nurture.  But, I don’t believe if your child doesn’t turn out to be a very good person, that the blame all goes on the parents and also that if a child turns out to be a wonderful adult, all the accolades do not go to the parent.

All I can say is, just love and protect your children, do what you feel is right for them…and cross your fingers they turn out well! 

I love both of mine and they are both PERFECT of course!  😉

“Cleverness devoid of wisdom is extremely dangerous and destructive.”  TOLLE

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3 thoughts on “Nature vs. Nurture:

  1. I’m a child of a fmily that had their favorites. OUt of the three of us kids, I would have to say that I was, and still am the least favorite. But that doesn’t really bother me anymore. I mean it did when I was a kid, but now, I guess I’m so use to it that it’s just another thing to me. When I got with Amber, I told her that I think all three of the girls need to be treated equally. Now sure, the oldest is going to be given a bit more responsibility, but the way we treat the girls is equal other than that. The youner ones know that they will one day earn more responisbilities. I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do to treat them equally, but I know it feels right:)

    • aww…i hate that any kid would feel they were the least fave! but yes, i agree…treating them equal is certainly the way to go! that’s what good parents do I think! thanks for reading tj!

  2. Very thought provoking blog, Tammy.

    It really is an interesting study in human behavior…..I don’t think there is any one single factor in the way a kid turns out either…..there are so many factors….. genetics play a part, environment plays a part, the schools play a part, television, and society in general plays a part. If we only knew how to guarantee the perfect offspring, amen?? But that might start to lean toward cloning, and that, of course, is something that should not be allowed, in my opinion. Too far into the realm of “playing God”. From some of what I see with young people today, I’m almost glad I don’t have kids. I know I’m missing out on alot……but of course that’s a whole ‘nother blog. LOL Anyway, Good writing, girlfriend!

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