Memories!

Memories, from the corners of my mind…misty water colored memories…of the way we were…lol,, yep this blog is gonna deal with some of my memories, the good, the bad and maybe a little ugly.  Let’s start with the good:

I remember going to Sunday school in New Haven.  I loved it!  The adults were so nice to us!  We played games, listened to stories of Jesus and got to sing songs…Jesus Loves Me being my favorite of course!  We lived close enough that we sometimes got to walk there as well…I loved doing that too…in my dress up clothes!

I remember going to my grandmothers (Mamaws) house on the weekends or holidays and staying all night, alot of my cousins would also.  We would all bed down on the floor after having ice cream with chocolate syrup!  If I was staying alone, Mamaw would make me a bed on the floor by her bed and would hang her arm down for me to hold her hand until I fell asleep…I always felt so safe there.

I remember in elementary school entering a writing contest to win tickets to the Ringling Brothers Circus!  I was at school and got called down to the principals office…Mr. Calbeck…he was kinda scary and I never got in trouble so I was very afraid!  He handed me the paper saying “Congratulations!  You won!”  I got to go down to center and ride on an elephant!  lol

I remember in middle school when everyone was just starting to wear Nikes tennis shoes…I wanted some!  Mamaw took me shopping to buy them…even though she was a factory worker on a budget…she bought them for me anyway!  Although I know she thought it was ridiculous to spend so much money on a pair of tennis shoes!  She always bought me whatever I wanted…within reason!

I remember in highschool riding around with friends jamming to Led Zepplin and the Scorpions…drinkin Little Kings…lol.

I remember Senior Year in High School being voted “Most Likely to become a Poet”.

I remember finding out I was pregnant with my son Jeremy…I was 19…I was sooo excited!  My mom was too.  We immediately went out and started buying little baby clothes and baby items….I wasn’t even 2 months along yet!.  The day I went into labor with him, I was watching “Dirty Dancing” and cleaning…ALOT…all the ladies will understand the “nesting instinct”…that apartment was surgery sterile, let me tell ya!  I called my Mamaw and said I felt like it may be within the next 24 hours and she came to sleep on my couch.  I was having contractions, but nothing too uncomfortable.  I went to bed…about 2 am it began to hurt a bit more…I started pacing around the apartment…this went on for the next 23 hours!  Finally my water broke at 1am the next day…but not a gush…more like a trickle…I thought I was peeing myself!  lol…called the doc, he said head in to the hospital…well, it was snowing like crazy outside…a bit of a blizzard actually.  So I called my dad/mom and he drove all of us to the hospital.  I had Jeremy ALL NATURAL not even an aspirin…Let me tell ya, I was throwin bedpans in that room!  But finally around 11:00am the pushing urge began…STRONG!  And of course my doctor wasn’t there yet…stuck in traffic!  They kept yelling “Don’t push, Don’t push!”  “Breathe”…I was grunting like a crazed hog!  Hold it in?  Seriously?  Sorry, but when it’s time for a baby to come…he’s coming…so they are flying me down the hall on a gurney….got me in the OR….the head is crowning…doc runs in, nurse barely slips a gown and gloves on him, his butt hits the stool and out flew Jeremy and the doc caught him like Johnny Bench!  He was screaming his little heart out…(Jeremy, not the doc..hehehe).  They laid him on my belly I kissed his little head and just felt my heart melt.  My little boy!

I remember when Jessica was born.  She was a tough pregnancy.  First of all, they tried to tell me she wasn’t even gonna BE a baby.  To go home and wait to miscarry.  But at about 5 months I was at the kitchen sink doing dishes…abdomen up against the counter and BOOM…she kicked…HARD.  Lol…I had thought all along I was still pregnant, but I was uninsured and they had already said I wasn’t…that pregnancy was full of her twisting around, doing flip flops, and kicking so hard…jammin her feet under my ribs…people would watch in awe as that baby would cause my belly to contort to very unusual shapes!  I felt like I had been pregnant for years with her!  I was ready for her to come out!  She would use the same beautiful yellow lacey bassinet her brother had, and I had all the clothes/blankets/bottles/toys/books any baby would ever need ready to go…Just needed her to come out.  She wouldn’t.  I walked and walked and walked.  I ate spicy food.  I tried all the tricks to bring on labor.  Nothing.  Finally I thought it was time…I felt a bulge…went to the hospital…nope, not the baby…she had pushed my darn bladder out!  Yes…my delicate little daughter decided to kick an organ out of her mother so she would have more room to practice her gymnastics!  Well, the docs shoved it back into place and sent me home.  After another 10 days they finally induced me.  Now, having remembered the first birth…I opted for an epidural on this one…but, they won’t give you that til like stage 8…what they didn’t understand was that for the first one, I went from 8 to delivery faster than minute rice!  By the time they got the epidural in…I gave birth 15 minutes later…at 12:25 pm…my Jessica Renee’ was born…again, I kissed her head and cried…everyone in the room was smiling/crying and jumping up and down!

Okay, so…to keep this blog not tooo terribly long, I will quit Happy Memories and go to the bad ones…and will have a part 2 on this subject!

I remember as a child hiding under the bed while the adults fought, so scared.  I remember once getting a baseball bat and going out and hitting my dad with it to get him off my mom…boy I paid for that one!  I remember hitting him over the head with a glass pop bottle while he was passed out on the couch after busting up my mom and the house…again, bad decision.  I remember some really bad things that happened to me as a teenager that I won’t go into detail about to protect some peoples privacys and stuff.  I remember making some poor decisions with a few men, who turned out to be cruel.  I am not going into detail on some of my bad memories for many reasons…they were bad enough the first time…don’t want to completely relive them again, but you get the general idea.  Some things I can’t go into to protect some innocent people.  But lets just say there were ALOT of struggles!  I remember waking up from my drug induced coma and realizing my abdomen was still open!  And the full extent of my injuries came to light.  And every day since November 3, 2005…as those of you who read my first blog has been wrought with bad memories.  The last bad memory I will share is when my beloved dog Dexter passed away on May 28, 2008.  What a horrid day.  We all bawled like babies…he was my little shadow, always by my side…such a faithful and loving little dog.  I still miss him to this day and always will.

So, all in all………the good memories are always more detailed than the bad!  Your mind protects you and tries to block out alot of the bad stuff!  I don’t dwell on the bad stuff much…the health stuff is hard not to…but the good always outweighs the bad!

The past year I have been on a mission to make good memories!  And I am.  I will share more good memories in the next blog…stay tuned!  I really appreciate those of you who take a few minutes out of your days to read my blogs!  It means alot to me to have so many who think I have something of interest to read about!  So thank you and pass my blog onto others you know!

“Is suffering really necessary?  Yes and No.  If you had ot suffered as you have, there would be no depth to you, no humility, no compassion.

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5 thoughts on “Memories!

  1. Your Blog makes me so glad that I’m not a woman! I could never have a child come out of me! I can’t stand splinters for crying out loud! Soudns like you were one brave kid when it came to your Dad! That’s too bad you have those memories, but they can only make you stronger:)

  2. While I was reading that I was remembering some bad memories of my stepfather. There are only a handful of people who know what he did to me and my mom. I know you read my blog about Bruce. I tried to put as many good memeries of him in there. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I love reading about your good memories. They make me happy. 🙂

    • thank u amber! i know, i haven’t put EVERYTHING bad that has happened or been done to me…its too difficult…but yes, what don’t kill ya makes u stronger for sure! thank u for reading my blog!!!

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