Crying. That’s what I did this evening. I haven’t actually cried lately, so I guess I was overdue for a good one. It started innocently enough, I started crying while watching Steve Carells last episode of The Office tonight. I really hate that he’s leaving that show. It’s my absolute favorite show, the one that I can count on every Thursday to make me smile and even laugh at loud. It won’t be the same without him, I just hope it can endure the loss and go on and still be as fun to watch.
As my Big Sis Laurie blogged about today at http://hibernationnow.wordpress.com/2011/04/28/oprah-please-reconsider-its-not-too-late/, also leaving is Oprah. Also another blow to my tv viewing habits. I don’t watch alot of tv…but those are two that I do. So, change is a’comin.
I am not a big fan of change, although I know it’s a fact of life. Everything changes. People change. It can be depressing, but it can also be awesome…usually just somewhere in between. Life is just full of highs and lows. That big rollercoaster your afraid to get on at the amusement park, or the FunHouse where the darkness or scary sounds make your whole body tingle with adrenaline. That’s being ALIVE! I’m no adrenaline junky…far from it, I hate fear or intense situations. As a kid I did love to ride the coasters and the occasional Haunted House, but as I got older, I stopped…I think because I had learned to fear doing “dangerous” things, I didn’t want to put myself in any scary situation, because I wanted to make sure I was alive and healthy for my kids…that sounds silly of course…not many deaths due to coaster or FunHouse for sure…lol, but I just mean in general, I have stayed away from anything remotely dangerous…all it takes to get my heart pumping now is learning someone I really love is hosting SNL soon! Hahah…
My life has become dangerous enough, with all the health issues and dangerous medications I must take to endure said illnesses. Don’t need a scary theme park ride, just need to open up my pill organizer and gaze at the multiple pills all lined up for me to take each day. Yep, waaay scarier than any stupid Blue Streak or Demon Drop!
I feel a bit “cleansed” after having a good cry like tonight. Like I have let some air out of a tire. My lungs are a bit less tight. When you’re living with a chronic illness, especially one that involves unrelenting pain, you’re muscles are in a constant state of contraction, your breathing is just shallow and you never feel as if you have enough oxygen circulating through your body. You’re in a constant “Fight or Flight” mode. Which of course really does not help your condition at all.
So…I think having a good “ugly cry” is good for us once in awhile. And if change is what it takes to get it out of us, then I guess change can be good also. So losing Steve and Oprah, while a big ole bummer to be sure, has also helped this crazy pain ridden geek to get some much needed oxygen in her lungs tonight. That and a smarty pants teen talking back…lol. Just enough to push me over the edge. Kids…they can give us our greatest pleasure and our lowest low. But the pleasure always beats the low in the end.
Go ahead…have a good cry. Let it out. Make that ugly face. Howl like a crazed lunatic. Get your nose so plugged up you can’t inhale an ounce of air thru it and must gulp air thru your mouth. Do it…it’s good for ya!
Thank you for reading my babble.